The Death of Toughness
Overprotecting Children, Does not Prepare them for Life
Children today are pampered, protected, and pusillanimous; and have been increasingly so over the past several generations. Parents’ obsession with shielding children from sadness, anger, disappointment, frustration, anxiety, or fear is a disservice to the children at best and flat-out child abuse at worst. Not only should children be allowed to experience these negative emotions, but they need to experience them to prepare for adulthood.
An elementary school near my home recently brought a Therapy Dog to roam the halls and classrooms. The belief is the dog will help calm students and reduce stress during events such as taking important or challenging exams. But the reality is life is all about being tested. School is not just about academics but also about helping children grow socially and emotionally and prepare them to handle the “tests” life throws at them. When they become adolescents and adults, they will face challenges and stressful times, and there won’t always be a puppy nearby to hug for comfort.
Compared to losing a job, struggling to pay the rent, burying a loved one, getting a divorce, or facing a serious health condition, elementary school is not mentally and emotionally challenging. If children cannot take a test without the comfort of a dog, how will they cope with a real crisis later in life?
The iconic “participation trophy” rewards someone “just for showing up.” Celebrating someone for simply participating and not necessarily achieving may seem harmless enough. But, despite warnings this would happen, we see the pejorative results of this mindset almost daily.
Hardly a week goes by without a video arising of people trying to stifle the views and opinions of others. When a group of college students screams down a (usually right-wing or Republican) speaker, they don’t want to use logic, reason, or facts to win an argument. Instead, they believe they should win the argument “just by showing up.” They not only think they shouldn’t hear opposing views but believe no one else should hear a viewpoint that doesn’t align with their leftist dogma. They don’t offer a rebuttal; they drown out the perspective altogether.
Demanding the right not to be offended is a direct line from expecting a trophy without winning anything. When we nurture this culture in children, it is no wonder that suicides, school shootings, and prescriptions for anxiety and depression meds are soaring.
Children are unprepared for the first time something doesn’t go their way. Too often, parents raise children to believe they are special and nothing is ever their fault. While all children are unique, they must experience disappointment, stress, sadness, and failure to prepare for adolescence and adulthood.
Toughness matters, and it is diminishing with each successive generation.
