Dealing with social anxiety

What is social anxiety?

Social anxiety, or social phobia, is the fear of interaction with other people that brings on self-consciousness, feelings of being negatively judged and evaluated, and, as a result, leads to avoidance and feelings of inadequacy, inferiority, embarrassment, humiliation, and depression.

If a person usually becomes (irrationally) anxious in social situations, but seems better when they are alone, then “social anxiety” may be the problem.

Developmental social anxiety occurs early in childhood as a normal part of the development of social functioning and is a stage that most children grow out of, but it may persist or resurface and grow into chronic social anxiety during their teenage years or possibly in adulthood. It causes considerable distress and impaired ability to function in at least some parts of daily life: it is an anxiety disorder called social anxiety disorder (SAD).

IMPORTANT: Just because you occasionally get nervous in social situations doesn’t mean you have social anxiety disorder or social phobia. Many people feel shy or self-conscious on occasion, yet it doesn’t get in the way of their everyday functioning. Social anxiety disorder, on the other hand, does interfere with your normal routine and causes tremendous distress.

Triggers and symptoms

People with social anxiety disorder usually experience significant emotional distress in the following situations:

• Being introduced to other people
• Being teased or criticized
• Being the center of attention
• Being watched while doing something
• Meeting people in authority (“important people”)
• Most social encounters, especially with strangers
• Interpersonal relationships, whether friendships or romantic
• Public speaking (being asked to speak or answer a question in class, performing on stage, speech…)
• Making phone calls
• Using public bathrooms
• Taking exams
• Eating or drinking in public
• Attending parties or other social gatherings
• Etc…

Because of this, people with social anxiety are many times seen by others as being shy, quiet, backward, withdrawn, inhibited, unfriendly, nervous, aloof, and disinterested. But trust me, people with social anxiety want to make friends, be included in groups, and be involved and engaged in social interactions. The anxiety holds them back.

The physiological and physical manifestations, and the feelings that come with social anxiety may include:

• Intense worry for days, weeks, or even months before an upcoming social situation
• Fear that others will notice that you’re nervous
• Red face, or blushing
• Shortness of breath
• Upset stomach, nausea
• Trembling or shaking (including shaky voice)
• Racing heart or tightness in chest
• Sweating or hot flashes
• Feeling dizzy or faint
• Swallowing with difficulties
• Muscle twitches (particularly around the face and the neck)
• Having a low self-esteem

What happens ? People with social anxiety avoid social situations to a degree that limits their activities or disrupts their life. They stay quiet or hiding in the background in order to escape notice and embarrassment. Sometimes, there is a need to always bring a buddy along with you wherever you go. They spend a lot of time on their phone/laptop on social networks because it’s so easier. There is no face-to-face. Some may drink before social situations in order to soothe their nerves.

Therapy and medication

Therapy means seeing someone or several people to get some help. It means seeing strangers. It means talking. It means more anxiety. Does anxiety cures anxiety then?

The good news is that cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) for social anxiety has been markedly successful. Research and clinical evidence alike indicate that CBT, which should be comprehensive in nature, produces permanent changes in the lives of people.

A successful therapy program for social anxiety disorder must address the dozens of cognitive methods, strategies, and concepts that will allow people’s brains (i.e., their brain associations or neural pathways) to literally change. The brain is continually learning, and irrational thoughts and beliefs can change as a result of this cognitive process.

A good therapy program will supply the necessary and specific strategies as well as indicate to people how and why they need to practice, work on, and begin to accept rational thoughts, beliefs, emotions, and perceptions.

Social anxiety medication is useful for many, but not all, people with social anxiety disorder.

For social anxiety, research indicates use of the anti-anxiety agents, and (perhaps) certain antidepressants in conjunction with CBT have proven most beneficial.

But unfortunately, medication has no long-term benefits… :(

Current research indicates many antidepressant medications for social anxiety disorder to be useless, even in the short-term. About 15% are helped by antidepressants. Some of the large-scale medication studies for social anxiety have been questioned and found to be skewed in favor of the drugs marketed by the same pharmaceutical companies who paid for these studies to be done in the first place. These kind of studies are conflicts-of-interest, and their conclusions should be thoroughly questioned :/ Be careful with what you read. Consult a doctor or a psychiatrist before anything.

In addition, each person is different, and there is no general rule that works concerning social anxiety and medications.

What can help me ?

First of all, you should keep in mind the unhelpful thinking styles involved in social phobia.

• Mind reading — Assuming you know what other people are thinking, and that they see you in the same negative way that you see yourself.
• Fortune telling — Predicting the future, usually while assuming the worst will happen. You just “know” that things will go horribly, so you’re already anxious before you’re even in the situation.
• Catastrophizing — Blowing things out of proportion. For example, if people notice that you’re nervous, it will be “awful,” “terrible,” or “disastrous.”
• Personalizing — Assuming that people are focusing on you in a negative way or that what’s going on with other people has to do with you.

This is the first thing to do: challenge negative thoughts.

Then, the 2nd treatment is to focus on others, not yourself.

Remember that anxiety isn’t visible as you think. And even if someone notices, that doesn’t mean they’ll think badly of you. If you would not think this way towards other people, it’s because they are thinking the same about you. Listen to what is being said, and not to your negative thoughts. Focus on the present moment, rather than worrying about what you’re going to say. Release the pressure, focus on being genuine and attentive : qualities that other people will appreciate.

Treatment number #3: learn to control your breath

Sit comfortably with your back straight and your shoulders relaxed. Put one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach.
Inhale slowly and deeply through your nose for 4 seconds. The hand on your stomach should rise, while the hand on your chest should move very little.
Hold the breath for 2 seconds.
Exhale slowly through your mouth for 6 seconds, pushing out as much air as you can. The hand on your stomach should move in as you exhale, but your other hand should move very little.

4-in, 2-hold, and 6-out

I’ve also found this on Tumblr, it might help:

Treatment number #4 : Face your fears

While avoiding nerve-wracking situations may help you feel better in the short term, it prevents you from becoming more comfortable in social situations and learning how to cope in the long term. In fact, the more you avoid a feared social situation, the more frightening it becomes.

Avoidance may also prevent you from doing things you’d like to do or reaching certain goals.

While it may seem impossible to overcome a feared social situation, you can do it by taking it one small step at a time. The key is to start with a situation that you can handle and gradually work your way up to more challenging situations, building your confidence and coping skills as you move up the “anxiety ladder” ! :)

Treatment number #5 : Build better relationships

Take a social skills class or an assertiveness training class. They are often offered at local adult education centers or community colleges.

Volunteer doing something you enjoy, such as walking dogs (❤) in a shelter, or stuffing envelopes for a campaign — anything that will give you an activity to focus on while you are also engaging with a small number of like-minded people.

Work on your communication skills. Good relationships depend on clear, emotionally-intelligent communication. If you find that you have trouble connecting to others, learning the basic skills of emotional intelligence can help. :)

Treatment number #6 : Change your lifestyle

Avoid or limit caffeine. Coffee, tea, caffeinated soda, energy drinks, and chocolate act as stimulants that increase anxiety symptoms.

Drink only in moderation. You may be tempted to drink before a party or other social situation in order to calm your nerves, but alcohol increases your risk of having an anxiety attack.

Quit smoking. Nicotine is a powerful stimulant. Contrary to popular belief, smoking leads to higher, not lower, levels of anxiety.

Get adequate sleep. When you’re sleep deprived, you’re more vulnerable to anxiety. Being well rested will help you stay calm in social situations.

Do sport. I know not everyone likes doing sport. I don’t. But it’s a stress relief, it allows you to forget everything by focusing on your activity.

Consulting a doctor or a psychiatrist is not a shame. No one will blame you for that. And if they do, they can go away. è_é

Moreover, there’s a nice website I discovered a while ago. If you’re feeling stressed, down or worried, you can talk to “Listeners”. It’s anonymous, you only have to create an account with an username. And start talking.

It’s called 7 cups.

Social anxiety can lead to dark consequences. If you’re in a crisis, call a suicide hotline (I don’t have the number for every country, but if you look up on the internet you’ll find it easily). You can go on http://youmatterlifeline.tumblr.com if you need to. ❤ ❤ ❤

Thanks helpguide.org

P.S.: Dear future teachers… ❤

Thank you.

All of this is easier said than done.

I do understand. Yes, I have social anxiety too, and it ruins a lot of things in my life. I know the struggle. ❤

So please, be nice to people. Don’t force us to do social stuff if we don’t want to. Don’t force us to talk. If we ask you to order our pizza for us, don’t call us “shy” or “stupid”.

You can help us more than you think.