Is 2020 Really Over?
A life’s worth of wisdom in 365 days.
Today is March 17, 2021. Or so that’s what my calendar tells me.
I’ve always felt New Year’s celebrations were a bit cliche. The calendar is a man-made construct to label and dictate the ethereal concept of time. Who cares what year it is, life goes on.
However, I think it comes as no surprise that I, like many of you, felt differently in 2020. I have never felt such a longing for a year to be over. I knew nothing would really change. We’d have the same problems on January 1st as we did on December 31st (like most years truthfully). But, the symbolic nature of such a devastating year finally coming to an end was just too exciting to not celebrate (until promptly 10:30 p.m., that is).
So far, 2021 has felt promising. Yes, we are still dealing with a global pandemic and we’ll be feeling its effects for years to come. But, I do feel as though there is a small pinpoint of light at the end of this desperately long tunnel. It finally feels like we have something to look forward to and aren’t just sitting around waiting for things to improve.
Although my optimism has ignited a flame of renewed hope, I simultaneously feel a sense of heaviness in my daily life. Undoubtedly some of this emotion stems from the havoc the pandemic has wreaked on the world. But I think there’s something more subtle happening here too.
It’s as though I have a new lens through which to view life itself. It’s a little dirty and scratched, but the focus is razor-sharp. Everything in my life has been put into scale, neatly categorized into the things that I truly want and those that are distractions and of no real value to me. It’s the lens of harrowing life experience — not as pretty as the rose-colored glasses, but not as naive either.
I’m not suggesting that I’ve canceled my Hulu subscription or deleted my social media apps, but when I am engaging in those leisurely activities I only enjoy them for a short period of time before I am pulled towards more meaningful things.
I’ve sat on the bench of life for nearly a full year, having no goals or accomplishments to mark my time. Of course, we all had to do our part to help stop the spread, but it wasn’t just about staying home for me. I stopped dreaming. I stopped creating. I got depressed.
I know I’ll be carrying 2020’s lessons with me for a lifetime. It was a dark place. I have a sort of muscle memory of all that year’s suffering. Every action is now compared against that old feeling. Am I just passing the time? Am I seeking the path of least resistance to quell my boredom? Am I avoiding my fear of failure by making myself small, neglecting my aspirations, and forgetting that my time here is limited?
The phrase “2020 vision” has ironically proved itself, but within a whole new context. It’s been one of the hardest experiences for so many of us, but I hope that if you haven’t already, in time you’ll see that we are stronger for it. We can’t change the past, but we can certainly use it to inspire and mold our futures into something brighter. After all, that’s what life is all about.
