Unifying the Self and the Other
How the Self sabotages our ability to connect.
We seek to be understood. We desire the Others’ understanding when expressing our experience of ‘I’. Why share our experience if not to be understood? In spite of this, we often feel short-changed in the transaction. Often, the Other does not understand nor care to understand what it means to be ‘I’. As a gregarious species, being deprived of understanding is detrimental to the Self. It arises a feeling of desolation whereby the Self has been severed from the universe. The endless expanse of the universe was once a state to be marvelled upon; it contained infinite beauty and an abundance of life to experience and connect with. Now its endless expanse draws attention to the empty space that the Self inhabits; a bleak reality painted by meaningless connections. This is the Void, a state that permeates desolation into every cell of the Self. Engulfed by the Void, the Self develops an insatiable craving to be understood by the Other. Thus, the Self traverses down one of three paths.
The Path of the Optimist
The Void thrusts the Optimist down a path of incessant sharing. Constantly will the Optimist chunder their experience of ‘I’ upon deaf ears.
If I express my Self to every Other surely one will understand what it means to be ‘I’.
From the Void weaps a stench of desperation that the Other simply cannot stand. The Other witnesses a forlorn Being, one that desperately attempts to forge a connection. Although the Optimist is Self-focused, they are not Self-aware to notice the stench that saturates their Being. Rather, they perceive the Other’s disgust and disinterest as misfortune; they simply have not found the right Other. The desolation of the Optimist persists.
The Path of the Pessimist
The Void propels the Pessimist down a path of total Self-collapse. No longer will the Pessimist share an ounce of their experience of ‘I’.
All that I have is my Self as the Other does not understand what it means to be ‘I’.
The Void of the Pessimist acts as a blackhole, consuming the energy of any Other who dare comes within its orbit. The Other witnesses a barren Being, one that almost appears unconscious with its lifeless eyes. No Other will pursue a connection with the Pessimist without fear of their own Void surfacing. The Pessimist will see this act as confirmation of their beliefs; they become a Self-fulfilling prophecy. The desolation of the Pessimist persists.
As of now, the Void has only perpetuated the feeling of desolation. The Void has tempted the Self to resolve its grotesque presence by focusing the Self’s attention inwards. The Self is so obsessed with its expression and experience of ‘I’ that it is blinded to recognise its role in immortalising the Void. The Self feeds energy to the Void, spiralling into the abyss of desolation. This does not have to be the case. The last path is solely for the Compassionate.
The Path of the Compassionate
The epiphany of the Compassionate is simple: if the Void is present in my Self, so too must it be present in the Other. The Compassionate re-evaluates their reaction to desolation. Instead of being tempted by the Void to overshare or collapse within theirself, the Compassionate will use the Void as a reminder to empathise with the Other. The Compassionate will amend their desire from attempting to be understood by the Other, to attempting to understand the Other.
The Compassionate may do so by collecting every drop of information the Other possesses, as if wringing out a wet cloth. But this must be a purposeful act. The Compassionate must have a true desire to understand the Other or the questions they ask will be soaked in shallowness. Only when the Self orientates its purpose in this manner will the feeling of desolation begin to alleviate.
Through listening to the Other we may notice that within the Other’s experience are experiences akin to our own. This is a moment of rejoice. We may express to the Other this similarity in ‘I’, uniting the two separate experiences. From the barren wasteland of desolation surfaces a bond fortified with true understanding of what it means to be ‘I’. The Other, perhaps being truly heard for the first time, has an opportunity to escape their Self-obsessed expression as they are finally acquitted of their desire to be understood. The Void that once populated the Self and the Other withers away as the vines of connection sow their seeds into the souls. The desolation of the Compassionate ceases to exist.
Without first disengaging from the Self and its expression, the elements of shared humanity revealed by the Other simply go unnoticed. If the Self and the Other are focused on their experience and expression of ‘I’, neither are being listened to, both are perpetuating the feeling of desolation.
