How to tell if you are a cool Sindhi.

Published in

Sindhifferent

5 min readAug 10, 2018

First, a definition for people who do not know what a Sindhi is. Yes, there are such ignorant people.

A Sindhi is the true, native, original inhabitant of the landmass called India (and the upstart nation of Pakistan; not Bangladesh, that was just a swamp back then, and well actually still is.)

In plain-speak, we Sindhis are the true owners of the Indian subcontinent.

To those who want Sindh to be omitted from the National Anthem: We built this city.

Sindhi comes from Sindhu, the life-giving (and depending on the season, the life-taking) river. The name was the be-all for the people, the religion and the land.

The many invaders variably bastardised it to ‘Hindu’ and hence ‘Hindustan,’ and later ‘Indus’ and hence ‘India’. Some Indians who call India ‘Bharat’ based on some stories in the Mahabharata, Vedas and Puranas need to be sent to special reorientation camps. (E.g. Chembur Camp is a great place to learn about the glory of Sindh.)

These days Sindhi is someone who lives in the region surrounding the Indus delta and valley. He/she could be someone who is from the province of Sindh (now in Pakistan), and/or speaks Sindhi, or has his/her roots therein.

Sindhifferent mostly, if not exclusively, focuses on Sindhis who do not live in Pakistan. The writer cannot attest to the status of Sindhis in Pakistan and their level and brand of coolness.

Is this cool? Only the Pakistanis can say.

End of exposition. On to the coolness. Let’s ascertain if you have all the traits of a cool Sindhi. Take your hand off your potbelly and scroll down.

1. You look nothing like the typical Sindhi.

You are Sindhi for sure but luckily you are not cursed in the looks department. No traces of a unibrow, no hair on your ears, no fatty accumulations in funny places. No one would guess, unless you told them so. Is this person you? Then you can assume you are very cool.

The picture to the extreme right is surely a Sindhi.

2. You have a very Sindhi surname.

The coolest Sindhi around dropped his real surname and adopted a Punjabi one. He’s already on #6 of this list. Catch up, will you?

Let’s say you tick box #1, you don’t look like a Sindhi. But they will know what you are the minute you say your second name. So some hide their surnames to stay cool. Some wadhika husheyaar people shrug off the guilt and shame of their silly Sindhi surnames and don’t give a fuck. Case in point: Vishal Dadlani. Someone please tell him that his surname is the most musical thing about him.

3. You have mastered the art of passing gas without getting caught.

This picture may not be representative …since no one here looks cool to me. Hence the masking of faces. But do observe how everyone is trying hard to distract and deflect.

Discrete farting isn’t rocket science, sure. Yet it is a modern day survival trait. Be it snapping fingers, whistling or playing the latest ear worm on your phone — you know how to mask the frrrrrruttttata that is a telltale sign of a dal pakwan brunch. True maestros have been known to go as far as wearing cologne on their kachhas.

4. You know how to deal with other Sindhis who aren’t your relatives.

A more clear comparison between uncool and cool is not possible. (Have to say the John Abraham Dhoom look helps, too.)

They might want to converse with you in Sindhi, seek your approval or hope some of your coolness rubs onto them. You don’t hate them. Because they can’t help it. You are an elephant mid-saunter. They are dung beetles trailing after you.

5. You have no clue about Sindhi culture and history.

Actually, this is the most easily acquired trait for any Sindhi aspiring to coolness. But thanks to the persistent menace of the ‘proud’ Sindhis, it has become a vital differentiation. Coolness is inversely proportional to Sindhiyat.

6. You agree when someone says that Sindhis are very similar to Punjabis.

Punjabis are born cool. Sindhis are not. Coolness by association if there ever was.

7. You are not a member of any ‘For Sindhis’ WhatsApp or Facebook group.

Do you really need the videos of yet another gaudy laada? Besides, you are a world citizen.

8. You aren’t ashamed of Sindhi aunties but adore them.

Adorable, with bright orange hair. But alas, not Sindhi. 🙁

Mothers and aunties who dye their hair jet black or bright orange or dirty blonde and wear loud fluorescent colours with white chappals are tolerated because they are cute in their own way and because they fawn over you. As long as the stereotype is someone else, it’s cool.