Annoyed at 50
I find myself being annoyed with many things at my age.
Pants. Do pants annoy you? They are either a tad too tight or a tad too loose. They fit in the legs but not at the waist. They fit in the crotch but not in the butt. Someone really needs to do something about this.
Glasses. They annoy me, too. I can’t see well at night, nor can I see when I read. Reading glasses are a pain. I always forget where I put them. I stash several pairs around the house in places I am likely to find them when searching, yet when I am looking they are nowhere to be found. I wear them for reading but I can’t see far away. I tilt my head to watch tv, but I can’t read my phone.
My 16 year old son is a candidate for this “annoy me to no end” list. Not that he IS annoying, just certain things he does annoy me. Take for instance his Rain Man-like ability to talk at great length (I do mean GREAT length) about almost anything, like Game of Thrones. This kid could make your ears fall clean off your head. I don’t know how he remembers that in season 3, episode 5 Ygritte steals Jon Snow’s sword and lures him into her sex cave, thereby violating his oath to the Night’s Watch. Who remembers all that? On walks, over dinner, while watching tv…he consistently reminds me how little I remember.
I expect that at this point you may be wondering what this has to do with being Buddhist? Or being single or a dad for that matter. Allow me to explain.
Look, getting older is frustrating. It’s expected of us 50 year olds to be annoyed at our own aging and mortality, and at the world for its complete disregard to our inhumane suffering.
Life is what it is. Our bodies are what they are. Our children will be who they are.
I see many people/parents my age agonize over the smallest indiscretions and violations of societal norms. Yes, they get their proverbial panties in a wad. Seriously, folks. Not to be too cliche here, but don’t sweat the small stuff — and it’s ALL small stuff. Really.
I occasionally attend a 7am silent sitting at our Buddhist center. I should say that I VERY occasionally attend because, you know, getting there by 7am is pretty tough for me. Today I filled in for the regular bell ringer to lead the group. Except there was no group. It was only me. I was alone.
The old me would have found this very annoying. I could have slept in a little longer, had my morning coffee, etc. Instead, I was grateful for being there alone. There was a beautiful solitude that rewarded me for getting up early…and by being there I held the space — open, inviting, and accepting — whether or not someone joined me was inconsequential.
So I’ll leave you with this thought: When something annoys you — say “thank you” and take a deep breath. Look around and see what that moment can teach you about yourself and the place you hold in this world.
Being annoyed is workable material. It’s clay in your hands. Accept it for it is and mold it into your own awakening.
And if you see my reading glasses laying around, send me a text.
