Be Your Own Soulmate
Recently, I had someone I consider a dear friend tell me she no longer wants me to communicate with her. This came as an utter surprise. Our friendship had been developing over the past several months, and clearly we were both interested in each other. For my part, I liked having her in my circle of friends and thought that perhaps something more than friendship might develop in the future, but not right now.
Clearly, she saw this differently. She felt that I had been leading her on and was suspicious of my explanation. See wanted to move things forward. I was content with leaving things where they were.
Now that I’ve been unattached for 2 years, I have grown fond of being alone, and even protective of my alone time. What felt like a huge void in my heart 2 years ago is now filled in with hundreds of buoyant moments and tiny joys — all of which I created. I no longer anticipate a woman creating those for me. My aloneness has begun to reward me with a richness of purpose and calmness of mind. In addition, being a fully present and engaged father to my teenage son (something my dad never had time for) is my top priority.
Although I no longer feel the tug to find a life-long relationship partner, I do long for someone to share my life with. Laughter, food, movies. Sex — there’s that, of course. There’s a multitude of little (and big) things that I miss about being in a relationship, but now I see that I can be happy without them. If love returns — well, that will be icing on the cake.
Some people like to say to me, “When you find your soulmate, you’ll make time for her.” Soulmate?
The idea of a soulmate robs you of your own happiness. It suggests that you can never be happy until you find that ONE person.
- It’s a convenient excuse for giving up on a relationship that needs attention and effort (“oh, well I didn’t think he was my soulmate, anyway”).
- It’s a terrible expectation to put on your partner…that you have to be a SOULMATE. Good God, how much pressure is that?
- Your soul doesn’t need a mate — it needs YOU to be fully present in your own life.
I believe in love. I believe that we are destined to love each other. But it starts with you. Love yourself. If you do, you won’t be so worried about finding a soulmate. You will see he/she was there with you all the time.
