Nothing To Attain
I’ve been absent from Single Buddhist Dad for over a month.
I’m not sure why I’ve been so reluctant to write. I suppose it’s like many things in life. We’re motivated when starting something new and then as we question what we’re trying to accomplish and doubt seeps in…we begin to pull back. Eventually we give up. Not always, but often we do. Then the whole thing just recedes into the background of our memory. It may become a wistful talking point at dinner conversations.
I started training for a marathon once, but never ran it.
I started to learn French, but found it too hard.
I started writing a book— but then felt foolish for trying and stopped.
Does this sound familiar?
Then I had to ask myself: Why am I writing this? Am I doing this because I have some thing to say — regardless if anyone reads it? Or am I hoping to achieve or attain something? If I am, that’s where my problem begins. As the Heart Sutra says, no attainment with nothing to attain.
In other words, the act of trying to attain something is no-thing. Nothing? There is no-thing/nothing to attain. All our striving for recognition, importance, security, and power is the result of our trying to satisfy our small “I,” our ego that encourages striving because without it it would cease to exist. The irony is, of course, that something can’t cease to exist if it doesn’t exist in the first place. And “you” and “I” don’t really exist. We exist within our minds which creates the “I” using feelings, thoughts, perceptions, and consciousness. Small “I” is nothing more than an illusion.
So here I am — without even realizing it — with my small “I” trying to attain something through Single Buddhist Dad. What am I hoping to attain? Maybe I want to feel loved. Or I want to feel respected. Or I want to feel that “I” matter. These wants are the causes of suffering. Whether I get what I want or I don’t get what I want — I’m screwed. I may attain something but because nothing lasts forever I will eventually lose it. Result: suffering. Or…I am simply not able to attain something. Result: suffering. Same thing!
So I am putting aside my “wanting to attain” right now and saying this:
I write. I don’t write. No difference.
You like what I write. You don’t like what I write. No difference.
You are. You are not. No difference.
I am. I am not. No difference.
I am you. You are me. No difference.
