Put Down Your Resolutions

At the end of 2015 I reflected on what had been, by most standards, a pretty crappy year. Like many of us I made resolutions and vowed that 2016 would be the YOM — the Year Of Mike. That’s right. I was going to focus on ME. I was going to prioritize Mike, dammit.

Did it work? Not really. I was well intentioned, but I didn’t know who the hell “Mike” was much less how to make it “his” year. I thought I understood what I needed, but really it was a hodgepodge of desperate attempts of shoring up a bruised and fragile ego. I ended 2016 much like I started it. There were a few minor victories but in general, I still felt bad about who I was.

I think many of us do something like this:

Step 1: We sense dissatisfaction with ourselves and investigate why we feel this way.

Step 2: We think the cause is that we are deficient in some way(s).

Step 3: We assume that by removing these deficiencies we will feel better about ourselves.

Step 4: We resolve to replace the deficiencies with a new behavior thereby eliminating the sense of dissatisfaction with ourselves.

So does this work? For me, no. How about you? Yet here we all are again. It’s New Years. We feel dissatisfied in some way. We feel we need to fix something. Is it our weight? Is it our health? Is it our attitude? We feel like we’re supposed to resolve something.

How about this? In 2018, resolve nothing.

This may sound rather defeatist…even depressing. It may sound like I’m suggesting that you shouldn’t care about yourself. Eat that extra helping of ice cream. Skip that gym workout. Indulge your every desire and urge and say, ”To hell with being better!”

Not so.

Zen Master Seung Sahn would often say,

“Put it all down. Put down everything. Then…nothing.”

Put down the obsession with yourself. Stop trying to figure out how “you” can be a better person. No amount of dieting, exercise, or reciting of self-improvement mantras is going to fix the dissatisfaction. You don’t need to be better. You just need to be present in this moment. What we seek can only be attained by doing nothing.

This “nothing” isn’t the kind of nothing we equate with idly sitting on the couch or mindless laziness. That kind of inactivity usually is a distraction from doing nothing. We become uncomfortable with nothingness so we turn to food, tv, etc to distract us from the impermanence of everything. Everything can be a distraction. Even well-intentioned resolutions — if not done mindfully — can distract us and set us up for the continued judgement and dissatisfaction.

This New Years I’m not making any resolutions, but not because I’ve achieved complete satisfaction with myself. I still struggle with my ego. I still feel small sometimes — maybe even a lot. I know I could eat better and exercise more. But I’m slowly learning that I have to put the “I” down if I ever hope to be satisfied and be of any help to this world.

So by all means…eat well, exercise, be a good person..but don’t assume that any of those will fix you. Only nothing can fix you.

For you are nothing.

And everything.