SBD

Mike Mueller
Aug 26, 2017 · 2 min read

Single Buddhist Dad. SBD. I get it. It sounds like a newspaper personal ad, right? Will people confuse it for a STD? Yikes.

To be honest, the title came to me one night as I scrolled through my dating app feed. There they were — countless men and women coaxing out clever ways to describe themselves. It made me think, how do I describe myself? What defines me? I thought I would keep it simple and straightforward. And then it came to me: Single Buddhist Dad. It summarize the 3 identities that most define who I am today. It felt a little too cute for my dating bio, but I did think it held promise. Maybe a blog?

So here it goes:

I am a 50 year old man with a 16 year old son. He lives with me full time. I have been married once and divorced. I’ve been in love again, but saw that fail, too. I’ve seen family members spiral in and out of addiction and recovery. I’ve seen a business I started succeed, flounder, and be sold off. I’ve seen my son receive a cancer diagnosis at 13.

As challenging as each of these events has been, I know that many have experienced worse. Divorce. Illness. Failure. Heartbreak. Our humanity means these things are our birthright. The question isn’t whether we will suffer. The question is when we suffer, how will we let it define us.

Two to three years ago when the confluence of these events invaded my life, I found myself laying on the floor in the fetus position bemoaning the unfair and unjust world. I was a mess. Seriously. I’m not sure what a nervous breakdown looks like but I bet I would have won a lookalike contest.

It was then that I recommitted myself to the practice of meditation and investigation of Buddhism. I had toyed with it for years sporadically participating in a Korean Zen practice at our local Buddhist center, but pulling away each time the crisis in my life subsided. As soon as some new crisis would flare up — there I would be, sitting Zen with clenched teeth trying to excise the bad karma out me.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

Here I am years later, still sitting Zen…still a dad (to a now-healthy teenager)..and I am happily single. The chaos in my life has subsided. But I know the day will come when suffering will return. It always does — to all of us.

Single Buddhist Dad

Single. Buddhist. Dad. The order depends on the week.

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Mike Mueller

Written by

A single dad at midlife trying to wake up. Also a practicing Zen Buddhist and recovering geek.

Single Buddhist Dad

Single. Buddhist. Dad. The order depends on the week.

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