Single for 12 Years
I never intended to be single for 12 years. In fact I never intended to be a divorcee in the first place. I knew my marriage wasn’t perfect, but I’m a hard worker I thought, I’m dedicated and loyal. I can make this work.
After all, no one has a perfect marriage right? What’s perfection anyways?
Fast forward and I’m divorced with two kids for 12 years. I was always open to the idea of marrying again I just never felt the pressure or desperate need for a husband other than to fulfill sexual desires, and I had them under control.
As for everything else- paying the bills, keeping and running the home, taking care of the kids- I had it under control alhamdulillah. I’d been doing those things single handedly while I was married anyway.
You see, I didn’t have that kind of marriage where I could rely on my husband. So once I decided to leave I didn’t find being alone difficult. In fact for me life only became easier. I didn’t have to deal with the constant mental abuse and emotional drain. My children were small- ages four and 14 months old when I became a single mum.
So small and so precious.
I knew that leaving was the right thing to do because they are so precious. I didn’t want them to grow up with a corrupted view of what marriage should be.
I didn’t want them to think that being abused mentally or physically by your spouse is OK.
I didn’t want them to think that it was normal or that staying and taking abuse was somehow a virtue. A praiseworthy action that should be done for the sake of the children.
With this in mind I held it of utmost importance to put my children first and not just jump into another marriage with fake rose coloured glasses on. I thought it best to take my time to really figure out where my marriage had gone wrong and the role I played in that.
I took my time to think about my own personal flaws and shortcomings. I focused on my interests and set myself goals. What did I want to achieve in life and what was important to me? What did I have to offer in a marriage?
Knowing the answers to these questions would help me determine what I really should be looking for in a spouse regarding compatibility.
There were periods of time that, yes, I desperately wanted a husband. Times when I believed it was now or never. But when it didn’t happen at those ‘nows’ I was consoled with the surety that it was no doubt in my best interest to stay single.
What was the point in rushing into something that I knew I didn’t need? To top it off everywhere I looked people were either getting divorced or suffering in their marriages. I considered myself fortunate.
I could live as I chose.
No negotiating with anyone. I didn’t have to discuss how I raised my children, how I should dress or when I should sleep.
But that’s also the scary part- responsibility.
I was completely responsible for myself and my children. If something, -anything, wasn’t going right- there was no one to blame but me.
Check out my new book dedicated to all the single Muslim mothers out there:
‘How to be a Single Muslim Mum’
📖 Paperback
https://www.lulu.com/shop/samar-asamoah/how-to-be-a-single-muslim-mum/paperback/product-m22vy7q.html?page=1&pageSize=4
📱eBook:
https://theniqabidiaries.gumroad.com/l/Howtobeasinglemuslimmum
The Niqabi Diaries is a podcast dedicated to sharing the stories of the Muslim women who have experience wearing the face veil.
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