What Real Single Parents and Their Children Go Through

Are you a single parent when your partner is not involved in changing the kids nappies or works away from home?

The other day someone got upset with me because my answer was “NO”. They said that they were married and did most of the raising of their children on their own and they felt like they were single parents.

They must feel the same way as all those who write blogs saying the words “Married single mother”, who’s partner works away. Some away for weeks or months, they get letters, skype calls and make phone calls to their partners. Their partners get to make some parenting decisions and support them in their children’s physical, emotional, social, financial and intellectual development. How is this considered to be single parenting?

It got me thinking, has the definition of single parents changed?

Someone please challenge every definition I have found which all has the same gist. A single parent is one person, who makes all parenting decisions and supports their children’s physical, emotional, social, financial and intellectual development solely alone, on their own, without a partner, no partner who lives with them and no partner is returning to live with them.

Ok maybe some parents don’t get what that means. Single Parenting is not a word. It is a life that single parents live and experience, it’s not a feeling. Those who have done their stint as a single parent over 1 year alone with their children, will be able to relate and validate the next 6 points.

This is what real single parents and their children go through.

1. When you say “I am a Single Parent”. You begin to live with a societal stereotype. You know the labels that you’re a bad mom. A bad parent. There’s something wrong with you. It gets worse when you first are subjected to peoples verbal and behavioral criticisms just from saying the words “I am a single parent”.

2. Your children soon learn not to say their parent is a single parent. They get teased and are branded as being disobedient, they’ll turn out to be losers actually they began as losers. They’ll fail at school, they’ll fail at life. Anything bad about kids, yep that’s single parents kids. Branded for life until someone comes into their parent’s life and becomes their partner.

3. There is no one there, no one is coming back home to help single parents at all with their children.

4. The stand-in help: You maybe thinking, oh but there are single parents who have help, like those who live with their mum or family or friends. Trust me I’m sure they are grateful they have the help. But that usually comes with the helper thinking they are the boss over the single parent and their children. Many single parents who have these living arrangements do their best not to disagree with those they live with to maintain their independence as adults and their parenting often gets stomped on.

Not that the stand-in helper would ever like to admit their bossiness. Neither would the single parent say much as where are they going to go. So yes, single parents tend to shut themselves and their kids in the room as much as possible so as not to disturb anyone.

5. The kids go with you everywhere. There is no leaving the children at home to duck down to the shop. Not until they’re older of course and don’t go telling anyone you’ve left the kids at home, you’ll be judged as being negligent or abusive until they are 18. There is no sleep in. All single parents know, our kids don’t know what sleep in is.

6. Finances, oh please let’s not go there. There is not enough pages to this blog. It’s simple… no one else brings home the bacon or bread. You are it, always and forever.

Single Parents are the kindest parents in the world, I should know I met countless amounts of them. When you and your children need help and you have no one, they would make a way to share what they have with you and your children. Remember they don’t have to ask a partner to be kind to you. Even if you were a stranger. All they see is you are like them, a person with kids and in need.

This is what a single parent goes through and even after years of no longer being a single parent they would often say, “I was a single parent too” not “…I felt like I was a single parent.”