Makeup does not define my gender — Indian Matchmaking
| Single to Shaadi
This past semester, I made a speech for one of my classes. The assignment was to talk about an artifact from a culture I am part of that has shaped me into the person I am today. Most people would choose something related to their heritage, I could have done the same but I chose to focus on a topic that was in the forefront of my mind at the time. It was something that I didn’t even realize I was struggling with for years. It was kind of nice to put everything I felt into words, even if I did write it the night before the presentation. It was like putting a letter in a bottle and throwing it into the ocean.
We are currently living in a world where people are actively trying to topple over the patriarchy. Rigid gender structure has been prevalent in society for centuries and is actively being broken down little by little. Gender specific behaviors are no longer reserved for only people with that specific birth assignment.
As a woman, I feel like I’ve been victimized by old fashioned gender norms. Whether that be at home, by my family, at school, my friends, or through social media. I have been told I have to be feminine whether it’s through my clothing, behavior, or how I see my future. I was taught to speak softly, sit properly, and dress girly, to the point where I felt like I was being emotionally blackmailed.
Makeup has been something that has filled many people’s definitions of what it means to be feminine. I am fortunate to be attending a university where it’s accepted to have mixed gender expression and an individual’s decision to wear makeup or not does not ostracize them from the community. There are people who embrace makeup and there are people who reject it.
“A bit more on my personal journey with my gender expression and how it was influenced by the way I was raised and the culture I was surrounded by.”
As I have said before, I am a woman. Throughout my life, I was constantly told to keep my hair long and wear dresses. While I was female I didn’t like it and questioned if I even wanted to be female. I was living in constant conflict. The culture at home was conservative but my school community was liberal. This all led to a desire to get out of the strict box of just feminine or just masculine. And then I noticed other people like me.
I noticed them in my school and on social media. I started to question why body hair, clothing and accessories define someone’s gender. I saw people choosing to do what they wanted with their bodies and taking control. This gave me some courage to try to do that on my own.
An important artifact in something I call female culture, a man made culture that society has created, is makeup. Traditionally, girls are told to wear it for multiple reasons: to attract the male gaze, cover up flaws, and create this perfect image. It is used to hide away any insecurities. This was part of the culture I lived in and it created this expectation that women are dolls or decorations instead of actual human beings.
A lot of people reject this because they don’t want to feed into the collective idea that makeup makes you more of a woman. But on the other hand, it’s seen as an art form, and there are people who embrace it to the point where makeup becomes an empowering tool. I love that in diverse communities it’s culturally acceptable to choose whether you want to wear makeup on a daily basis, sometimes, or at all or not.
“Makeup represents a lot of different things to me”
Makeup represents toxic femininity but also empowerment and artistic expression. However, a large part of this simply depends on the person. Personally, I reject the daily use of makeup in defiance that women are supposed to be dolled up all the time, however I sometimes embrace it to be loud and bold, because it can both feel good and be fun.
In the future, I want to find a balance between being a little bit masculine, especially with my clothing and mannerisms, but also staying a bit feminine. I want to be able to express that not only in my community at school but also with my family. I also want to pursue an artistic career that can be influenced by my mixed expression. And that is where makeup comes into play.
So, to wrap up my rant on my gender expression, makeup may have been culturally glued to the societal perceptions of femininity for the past century, but now it’s acceptable in many cultures and communities to choose what you want to do with your gender. There are people who have rejected makeup and people who have embraced it. The use or lack of empowers one’s own perception of gender.
What I have learned about myself through my own journey is that my gender expression is very fluid. I believe you should not listen to how other people define it. Come up with your own definition, because at the end of the day all that really matters is that you’re comfortable in your own skin.
— Gauri Jain / Contributing Author
Originally published at https://www.singletoshaadi.com on June 24, 2021.
