Red flags in relationships and dating you shouldn’t ignore (According to Cosmo) — Indian Matchmaking
|Single to Shaadi
The idea of getting into a relationship is daunting. After hearing about other people’s relationships and seeing how toxic they can get, I am hesitant to get into one. While I have never been in a relationship, I am afraid that if I rush in too fast and too soon, I may miss all the red flags and end up getting hurt, both physically and emotionally.
Your current or future partner is bound to have a toxic trait. Everyone has one, even you. But when the other person’s toxicity affects your self esteem, lifestyle or just your mood in general, that’s when it becomes a red flag. It is important to call out these red flags early on. If you make excuses or overlook them, it can lead to larger problems within a relationship later on that may be hard to resolve.
Cosmopolitan explores some of the “red flags in relationships and dating you shouldn’t ignore” in the article below. Even if you aren’t currently in a relationship, it is important to take a look at these to reflect when you are in one down the line.
- Anokhi Ladhani / Contributing Author
Red flags in relationships and dating you shouldn’t ignore
Plus, what to do if you spot them.
by EMILY GULLA
NOV 5, 2020
When you first make it official with a new partner, it can be easy to ignore any red flags in your relationship and to focus on the positives, pushing any doubts about your compatibility to the back of your mind. And while it might be fun to stay blissfully ignorant for a while, there are some potentially toxic relationship red flags which you shouldn’t ignore. So, what are the major relationship red flags to keep an eye out for? We asked the experts to explain.
Red flags in relationships to look out for
1. YOU CONSTANTLY FEEL UNHAPPY
It might seem obvious, but if you’re feeling unhappy most of the time in your relationship, it’s probably a sign that something is wrong.
“The initial signs that a relationship isn’t right can be quite subtle,” explains Relate counsellor Holly Roberts, “but if you have a niggling feeling that you just aren’t ever happy and there’s no joy shared between you and your partner, then it might not be the right relationship for you.”
2. YOU PARTNER ALWAYS WANTS THEIR OWN WAY
Of course, when you’re in a relationship it’s normal for you both to get involved with the other person’s friends, hobbies and interests. But if you find that you’re always doing what your partner wants to do and not what you want to do, it could be a sign for concern, says Holly. “This might be a sign of controlling behaviour,” Holly explains, especially if your partner is outwardly or subtly preventing you from doing the things you want to.
3. YOU ONLY SPEND TIME WITH EACH OTHER
Similarly, if you find that you and your partner are only seeing each other and nobody else, it could be a sign of controlling behaviour or an unhealthy co-dependency on each other.
“We all need external influences and support in our lives,” Holly explains, “so if you’re only talking to your partner, that sense of isolation from others and an over-dependence on each other can be really toxic in a relationship — and it can leave you feeling vulnerable if something goes wrong.”
Plus, if you feel that you can’t confide in friends and family about problems in your relationship, or you filter what you say to them, this might be a consequence of being manipulated or controlled by your partner, explains COSRT-accredited psychosexual and relationship therapist Clare Faulkner — even if you don’t immediately realise it.
4. YOU’VE GOT NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT
If you’re questioning your compatibility with your partner, finding that you quickly run out of things to talk about together might be a sign that you just aren’t right for each other.
Similarly, if you’re having really one-sided conversations i.e. your partner only talks about themselves and you provide all the support, it’s not a good sign either. It could show that your partner is incredibly self-centred, or they might be overly dependent on you for support, says Holly. “Energy vampires sap your emotional strength,” Holly explains, “and you need to be supported too!”
5. YOU NOTICE A CHANGE IN YOUR SELF-ESTEEM
If you notice that your self-esteem is lower than usual, it might be difficult to pinpoint exactly why that is. However, if your partner isn’t giving you the appreciation you deserve then it might be subtly having an impact on your self-esteem.
“When your partner doesn’t reflect your value back to you, it can be hard to see it in yourself,” explains Clare, and if they are damaging yourself esteem then it’s a sign of toxic behaviour.
6. YOUR PARTNER UNDERMINES YOU AND PUTS YOU DOWN
As well as damaging your self-esteem, if your partner is constantly undermining you or being competitive with you, then it’s not a sign of a healthy relationship. And if they don’t respect you, it should be an absolute deal-breaker.
For example, your partner might be constantly blaming you for things or keeping a ‘scorecard’ of things you’ve done wrong. “This might be used as a form of manipulation, to make you feel guilty, or as a way to control you,” explains Clare, and this kind of behaviour is an example of gaslighting, a form of emotional abuse.
If you think you’re experiencing gaslighting or emotional abuse, make sure you reach out for help. An easy place to start is to call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge on 0808 2000 247.
7. YOU CAN’T TELL YOUR PARTNER HOW YOU REALLY FEEL
Some people can take a while to fully open up to a new partner, sure. But if you feel that you can’t share you feelings with them, think about why this is. “For example, you might feel scared to voice your thoughts because you think your partner might laugh at you or criticise you,” says Holly, which isn’t how a healthy relationship should be.
Plus, if you find yourself changing who you are to fit with your partner then take a step back. As Holly says, “ If you’re not able to be yourself in the early days, then you might become someone that you don’t recognise years down the line.”
8. YOU DON’T TRUST EACH OTHER
No matter which side it comes from, a lack of trust in a relationship is never a good thing. If you don’t trust your partner, it can leave you feeling constantly stressed, worried and upset. But on the flipside, if they don’t trust you, you might feel that they are constantly watching and monitoring you — leaving you feeling restricted and suffocated, Holly explains.
What should you do if you spot red flags in your relationship?
“If you spot warning signs that your relationship isn’t quite as happy as you think it should be, then try to talk to your partner about what you’re feeling,” says Holly. This might be helpful if you want to resolve some small issues that you think might make your relationship better.
However, if the red flags that you spot are pointing towards an unhealthy or toxic relationship, or you feel unsafe, then the healthiest and safest thing to do might be to end the relationship.
If you think that your relationship is abusive, you can reach out for help from organisations like This story has been sourced from a third party. Single to Shaadi accepts no responsibility or liability for its dependability, trustworthiness, reliability and data of the text. Single to Shaadi reserves the sole right to alter, delete or remove the content. and Women’s Aid, or call The Freephone 24-h National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge on 0808 2000 247.
Source: https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/relationships/a33364278/red-flags-relationship/
Originally published at https://www.singletoshaadi.com on May 25, 2021.
