Fix your own mug
Right after my divorce, I wrote a story about how my ex broke this mug a good friend had given me.
I was heartbroken because I used it every day in a ritual cup of tea to think of her. He’d promised to fix it and never had and I passionately wrote about the symbolism of our relationship, something broken he’d never worked at. The other day I stood in the shower and for some reason that mug came up in my mind, and sucker punched me with a completely new thought.
“Melissa, you could have fixed the damn mug yourself.”
Yes, I could have. And now, I would have.
I’ve changed and healed enough to know that regardless of who breaks things in my life — I can fix them. Not relationships, that takes two; But mugs and websites and even me, I fix those things. I heard someone say recently, that as you begin healing you will tell your story hundreds of times and the truth won’t change but your perspective on it will. The mug will still be broken. He will still be the person who broke it, but who could and/or should fix it can change.
You can rewrite your story any time you want to.
I told this to my therapist yesterday and shared another moment.
One wherein I realized I was getting ready to apologize for something someone else had done. “Melissa, not all the mugs in the world are yours to fix,” she reminded me, “Fix your own mug.” There’s always a line to walk and balance to find.
Owning your own work is a practice in itself.
The gentle shifting between I’m responsible for my own broken things but I don’t own all the broken things is a juggling act we’re constantly working to achieve. I’m getting better at which I have to believe means you will too.
