Girls, We Haven’t Run the World (Yet)
Our checklist:
[ ] Look pretty
[ ] Be successful, but not intimidating so we can complete the next thing below
[ ] Build a great loving relationship
[ ] Complete those three while being overlooked
What are we? Supergirls?
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Have you heard about the story of Kartini?
Long story short, she’s a Javanese princess who rose the status of Indonesian women, enabled them a right to pursue education.
The society was all like, “You’re a woman. You don’t have to go to school. Cook us Indomie! Go to your room, prepare yourself to be a good politician wife!”
The majestic badass was all like, “NO. I have a right to get education, so are other Indonesian women. I don’t want to get married to a polygamist guy either. I want to marry someone who only loves me.”
Kartini stayed in her room, studied, and wrote sensational feminist letters, while her parents arranged her marriage to a polygamist politician guy.
In the end, Kartini married a polygamist politician guy whom understood her and supported her to build an all-girls school, which became the first school for girls in Indonesia. Kartini was inspiring that way.
Being told this story by my elementary school teacher, I grew up thinking Kartini had done all the work for Indonesian women. Hahaha. I was wrong.
I couldn’t even network without being seen as a potential dateable woman.
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Yeay. You made it to Dubai international airport after weeks of being in Arabic-speaking Egypt. You didn’t understand anything they said for weeks.
Hear, Natasha!
2 guys, speaking in your native tongue, are sitting next to you.
You must miss speaking in your native tongue, Indonesian. Talk to them. Just because you’re an introvert, it doesn’t mean you can’t initiate a conversation first! Expand your network!
I never initiate a conversation to a complete stranger, but I tried to talk to them anyway.
I usually loathe small talks. I don’t loathe this one. They told me stories about how they got to travel around as they work, how much they missed Indonesia, etc etc. Interesting.
This conversation went well, until one of them tried to make the other one make a move on me. I shrugged it off as jokes in his first 4 attempts.
I started to get urges to shove my name card on his mouth at his 5th attempt. I mentioned something about my boyfriend at home, hoping he’ll get the message. It wasn’t effective.
By his 16th attempt, I regret I didn’t wear a ring and pretend I’m already married.
—
It’s not that I want to get married this young. I am only 22 for gods’ sakes! I still have books to write, a body to dress attractively all the time, a bank account to fill, and a right mentality so I can build a nurturing relationship.
Up until now, I still cower at the sight of blank Microsoft Word page. I have no money-making activity and an underweight might-fall-sick-at-any-moment body. To make it worst, I don’t want just any job. I want to be able to make people believe that they already have whatever it takes to be happy and achieve what they want. I want my work to mean something.
Looking for a job is already hard. Looking for a meaningful one like this is almost impossible. They call it being too ideal.
But, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life feeling not fulfilled. I don’t want to leave this world with no contribution at all, besides being natural fertilizer for the plants at my cemetery ground.
I know. With time, hard work, and all that discipline blabla stuffs, I’ll be as successful as JK Rowling (yes, I am aiming for that high).
The thing is boys feel threatened by successful girls. They have to be more successful than their girls or they don’t feel manly. To make themselves feel manly, they do stupid things like cheating.
Will I have to tone down my achievement to make everything work?
It’s like I have to choose between a successful career and a great relationship. I don’t want to choose. I want both.
But, how?
—
“Appear weak when we are the strongest,” Sun Tzu suggested.
Okay, Sun Tzu, I have a few questions for you.
How can I build a relationship when I am more successful?
I can’t always tone down my success. I deserve a huge appreciation after that much work. I can’t always date a more successful guy. What if I’m in love with a less successful guy?
How can I be their business partner when I am seen as their potential dates?
I do flirt my way to get a parking spot and a cheap bargain. I don’t want to flirt my way to be their business partner.
How can we make boys think they’re still the men without having to appear lesser?
I have no idea how.
According to Manal al-Sharif, a Saudi woman who initiated to lift a driving ban and succeeded, a change will start when women take action. “So it’s not only about the system, it’s also about us women to drive our own life, I’d say”.
After reviewing researches on The Confidence Gap between women and men, Kay & Shipman advised us the same thing, “The advice implicit in such findings is hardly unfamiliar: to become more confident, women need to stop thinking so much and just act.”
