The Day I Stopped Sabotaging My Self (And Started to Embrace Learning)

This is not a success story. In fact, it’s just a “getting started” story; from an ordinary person.

I always started my day in an awful manner. Woke up tired, then I look at my phone for notifications, and then I opened my head and let useless information flooding inside.

I’m just a sophomore in college, almost 20, in a pretty bad shape, no exercise, and I rarely do spiritual rejuvenations.

But one day, by the time I write this post, I knew it’s time to change. So I started analyzing what is wrong with me and what I will try in the next few weeks to heal myself. I realized one thing:

I am such a wreck.

Jack of all motherf*cking trades

I consider myself as a world-class jack of all trades. I’ve been doing so many kinds of things — until now.

I do basketball, football, soccer, and badminton but not specialized in a particular sport. I play guitars, drums, bass, and the keys but not mastering any of those instruments in music.

I do graphic design, music production, create videos. But not mastering any of them. It’s like my soul is cluttered and spread into so many things.

I write, I have thousands of drafts that I’ve never published, not on Medium, not on my blog, not everywhere. It’s just plain rubbish to me. When I write this post, I trusted my gut and said: f*ck this, I’m just going to write this sh*t.

Lots, and I mean, LOTS of resistances

Another thing that pushed me to write this post is the book “Do the Work” by Steven Pressfield. He pointed out ‘the enemies’ in pursuing my dreams and it all resonated with me.

“Resistance will reason with you like a lawyer or jam a nine-millimeter in your face like a stickup man.” -Steven Pressfield

Another achievement of mine besides being a world-class jack of all trades; is being a world-class procrastinator. I procrastinated, a lot of times, even if it’s just simple tasks. I often find reasons not to do something instead of finding the reasons to do things.

Because of that, I woke up the next day feeling more tired than the night before. I somehow created a negative energy let it be my blanket.

“The mental energy of beating myself up for not doing something was so much more taxing than any physical energy it would actually take to do it.” -Chris Winfield (in his newsletter)

It’s all about the $$$

I’ve been freelancing since high school. And as the “jack of all trades” part explained, I did many fields of freelancing (well, roughly just two: design and writing, but I did many kinds of design and many kinds of writing as well.)

But I just jumped in without knowing the fundamental reason of why I did it. All because I want the money. Yes. I let a piece of paper or some digits in screens own my soul.

I knew it was wrong the first time, but it didn’t hit me until this day.

“Designing your product for monetization first, and people second will probably leave you with neither.” -Tara Hunt, HorsePigCow

What I’m doing now

So, after those expensive opportunity costs, I think it’s time to rejuvenate my thinking. I’m aware of my colossal failure and I’m (quite) sure I will change. So here’s what I will try to do in the next few weeks:

• Focus on one field: I think I will shape my design skills for now. Maybe take a step back and re-learn the basics (I enroll in a Coursera course “Fundamentals of Graphic Design” by California Institute of the Arts starting November 30. You should check that out.)
• Act, THEN revise: Even when I’m writing this post, I still can’t resist myself from writing and editing at the same time. It’s hard, but I’m sure it’s not impossible.
• Embrace learning: I guess the “Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish” quote by Steve Jobs really hit me hard. And I will keep it in my mind as the main reason of why I should embrace learning more than just gaining a high GPA, or profit.

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