Beauty With Brains: A Compliment Or An Insult
Written By Olubukunmi Fadeyi
Have you ever said something smart in the middle of a conversation and a man called you “beauty with brains” with utmost incredulity as if he could not believe his ears or eyes? It’s happened to me too many times and I used to think it was a flex, until the day I realised I had never heard anyone say that to a man.
So I began asking some questions. Are all brainy men handsome? Is it so unusual to find a beautiful woman who’s also brainy? Are all brainy women ugly?
Right before I began writing this, I had the idea to search the phrase “beauty with brains” on Twitter and, every single time, it was used for a woman. Several of the women they used it for were receiving either their first or second degrees.
However, men also post pictures of themselves receiving their degrees on Twitter, so why don’t people call them “beauty with brains”? Is the word “beauty” reserved for just women?
So I searched for the “manly” equivalent of beauty, which I’ve learned is handsome. When I searched the phrase “handsome with brains” on Twitter, people used it on Twitter NG, mainly for two former BBN housemates; Seyi and Ozo. I think it might have been a directive from their WhatsApp groups. Nobody used it for any man graduating from university. I wonder why?
Having a penis seems to equate to being smart. This is why when a man does or says something stupid, he is likened to a woman because people believe that being a woman equals being stupid. Maybe Simi was on to something when she said, “woman don suffer lowo everybody…”
Last year, a popular Nigerian male artiste took to social media to rant and throw shade at his colleague, completely unprovoked. Expectedly, guys on Twitter said he behaved like a woman. In fact, someone likened his behaviour to that of a woman experiencing heartbreak.
So why is it common to “compliment” women with that phrase but not men?
I researched the origin of the phrase but didn’t find anything. I guess it came from the 1820s when women started working outside their homes. Before then, men saw women as beings who existed to cook for them, take care of their sexual needs and be pleasing to the eyes. It was probably a rude shock when they found out that women were not just beautiful but brainy too. Hence, the phrase.
It’s 2021 now, and women world over have proven that it doesn’t have to be one or the other — they can be both beautiful and brainy. So why does anyone still “compliment” women using that phrase like it’s a rare occurrence?
While the intentions may be “pure” when using the phrase, it’s not a compliment. At best, it’s a sexist, back-handed comment that promotes the stereotype that women cannot be both beautiful and intelligent.
It falls in the same category as compliments like “you’re beautiful for a dark-skinned girl”, “you are analytical for a girl” or “for a girl, she’s good at Mathematics”. When you say the above, it means that you think dark-skinned girls are generally ugly, girls are not usually analytical, and they suck at mathematics.
Calling a woman beauty with brains gives off the “you are not like other girls” vibe, which is a sexist tactic used to flatter a woman while insulting other women in general. It’s an old patriarchal trick that pits women against each other. Anyone who puts other women down to uplift you is a blood-red flag and cannot be trusted.
Am I saying that acknowledging that a woman is beautiful and brainy is wrong? Of course not! There’s nothing wrong with admitting that a woman has both qualities. However, insinuating that it is an unusual combination in a woman insults all women.
When you say it like you find it unbelievable that a beautiful woman can also be brainy, especially in a work environment, it’s insulting. Actually, don’t ever say it at work. If you would not call a male colleague, “handsome with brains” for doing their job, why then should you call a female colleague “beauty with brains” for the same?
People need to quit trying to fit women into tiny, neat boxes. They think and expect a woman to be either beautiful or intelligent. So the “compliment” portrays anyone with both qualities as an outlier, which is an incorrect portrayal…and an insult.
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Edited by Chizulu E. Uwolloh
Zulu, named after Zulu Shofola, is a writer, avid movie watcher, and self-proclaimed bibliophile. She is proud to call herself a feminist and when she’s not editing for Sisterly HQ and watching travel vlogs on YouTube, she’s trying to save the world in her own little way. Connect with Zulu on Instagram and LinkedIn
Published by Akinsipe Temitope
Temitope is a young storyteller who thinks all stories are worth telling. She loves to inspire people to do what they love and follow their passions, tell their stories, and live in the present moment. Connect with Temitope on Instagram, and Twitter.
