Grooming: What Young Famous & African Reminds Us About This Ill.
Written by Treasure Okure
March was a particularly exciting month for the entertainment industry. The first season of “Young, Famous & African” had everyone on the edge of their seats, with the show still trending on Netflix Nigeria. The series follows the adventures of African celebrities as they meet in South Africa to network and have a good time. Annie Macaulay-Idibia from Nigeria and her husband 2Baba, Nigerian stylist Swanky Jerry, Tanzanian singer Diamond Platnumz, South Africa’s Naked DJ, Nadia Nakai, Khanyi Mbau, Andile Ncube, and Uganda’s Zari Hassan are among the show’s headliners.
The first season is everything it claims to be and more: dramatic, filled with extravagant wigs and outfits, and hilarious, except for a pain point that would sober anyone who pays attention: Annie Idibia’s relationship with her husband, 2Baba. Annie discloses in the first episode that her marriage has been anything but perfect, with multiple extramarital affairs and children. She also reveals that she was very young when they started dating.
The circumstances of their meeting was revealed by her in 2Baba’s biography “A Very Good Bad Guy” a few years ago:
The moment our eyes met at Even Ezra Studios many years ago, I knew you were the one for me and I for you. Innocent is an extraordinary being. It really seems like yesterday, (can’t believe he is 40 already) he was 24 and I was 15. And I still see the same man when I look at him. So full of life. So much energy. He is always so optimistic about life. He is never afraid of the next day with the little or nothing he had.
Grooming is the process of establishing a friendship, trust, and emotional connection with a kid or young person in order to manipulate, exploit, or abuse them. Despite the fact that laws in Nigeria and around the world make sexual contact between an adult and a person under the age of eighteen illegal, grooming is more prevalent than one may think.
In a New York Times article, it is revealed that Late RnB singer Aaliyah, was groomed by R-Kelly at the tender age of 13 to 14. They married when she was 15, and documents were forged, misrepresenting her age as legal. R-Kelly went on to be convicted on nine counts, including sex trafficking and pedophilia when it was revealed that Aaliyah was only one of his many victims. He is currently serving a life sentence.
Regrettably, these are just a few examples of grooming brought to light by the victims’ popularity. It begs the question: would people care if they weren’t well-known or celebrated? It also makes one wonder how many other girls are introduced to these situations on a daily basis. It’s possible we’ll never know, but the smoke signals are always present. When men consider women and girls as things rather than human beings, it is there. When physical development is emphasized without regard for whether or not the girl is psychologically ready for a relationship, it is present. Even small acts of inappropriate behavior, such as uncles who come over and comment on the bodies of their younger female relatives, and grown men calling little girls “my wife,” are predatory in nature, no matter how “playful” and “harmless” they appear to be.
Annie’s marriage has sparked a polarized debate on social media. While some individuals admit that she was indeed a victim of grooming, the vast majority appear to blame her problems on her. “Well, she knew what she was searching for,” and “she desired him for his wealth and success” are the opinions being shared, which fail to see the bigger picture.
In this part of the world, society does not expect a sixteen-year-old to know how to drive. It does not even trust the decisions they’d make career-wise (which is why parents micromanage the futures of their children). Why then do we expect bigger things from them? Like sexual and emotional commitment, the emotional maturity to know what they want in relationships, to know what constitutes abuse and when to leave?
Victims of grooming deserve our empathy and understanding, and though we may not have the power to change the past, we can influence our future for the better. We can use our power and our unified voice as members of society to expose predatory older men when they engage in grooming behavior.
The conversation on grooming also has economic implications, since some families are obliged to give in to the pressures of external advances in order to survive. Therefore while social media activism might be beneficial in raising awareness, we must bear in mind that many victims may not have access to online resources. Donating to outreaches that focus on the wellbeing of girls is another great way to help. Girls should be offered protection when interacting with older men. They should have access to resources and people and spaces to rely on to help them navigate and stay away from predators. It’s our duty to create safe spaces for our women. In the past, no one thought to interfere because men had a monopoly over power, money and fame; but this is a new dispensation. We know better now.
Treasure Okure is a writer, model and creative based in Lagos, Nigeria. She loves art, life, learning and self-development. In her free time, she likes to read books, hangout with her friends and listen to music. She is very passionate about Amala. Connect with Treasure on Instagram.
Edited by Akinsipe Temitope
Temitope is a young storyteller who thinks all stories are worth telling. She loves to inspire people to do what they love and follow their passions, tell their stories, and live in the present moment. Connect with Temitope on Instagram, and Twitter.
