What “Memoirs of Love” By Similoluwa Kunle-Oni Teaches Us About Relationships
Written by Treasure Okure
I recently started working on a manuscript, which has taught me that writing a book is not an easy feat. It is easy to critique the work of others, but more than the use of language and the expression of thought, it takes a lot of boldness to write a book, and decide to publish it for public consumption.
This is why when Similoluwa Kunle-Oni told me she was writing her book titled, Memoirs of Love, I felt proud. Simi is a very honest person, and I knew that whatever she was writing would come from a place of personal conviction, and life would be presented the way she knew and understood it to be.
The book explores love, as can be drawn from its title — from a very personal, and vulnerable place. The author shares memories and experiences, but instead of focusing solely on traditional romantic relationships, she accommodates familial love, friendship, and self-love among others.
In the first chapter, “The First Time I fell in Love,” the narrator recounts the love between two high schoolers and all the innocence and drama associated with it. “Everything was good. I felt alive every time we talked. I felt seen and heard, I felt wanted and loved. I felt like love could not get any better, until you started becoming inconsistent and I saw you with someone else, often.” She also shares her first experience with heartbreak, when her love interest intimates his desire to be just friends, and she realizes that the connection might have been one-sided all along, which shatters her spirit.
“The first time I fell in love,” she says, “It felt like a Harlequin novel, but I was the only character in the story.”
This chapter provides the foundation for subsequent ones that present a Simi who has gone through a lot of life experiences from which she wields advice to her readers. The vulnerability of using her memories to paint pictures that draw similarities in the reader’s eye is not lost on us. She hides nothing, including her shortcomings; the nitty-gritty details one would conceal to present a more dignified view of themselves.
In the second chapter she writes, “You see, one thing about the need to fix someone is that I do not rest until I have it all done. And I guess that behaviour contributed to my acceptance of him every time he came back. He came off as broken and in need of help, and I didn’t say no.” It is painful, it is raw and honest, and reminds us that we may have made similar mistakes as well, mistakes that left us staring at the mirror thinking to ourselves, “Is this me?” In this way, Simi makes her audience feel seen.
In the chapter dedicated to Friendship Breakups, the author explores an oft-ignored aspect of love and the pain it is capable of bringing: friendship. “No one ever prepares you for a friendship breakup,” she writes, “one minute, you are hanging out with people who make you laugh and make your soul feel at ease, and the next you are strangers, who do not talk anymore and get uncomfortable when you are in the same space with each other. Series of moments shared down the drain like they never existed.” She doesn’t fail to reveal her shortcomings in the entire ordeal by not doing enough to communicate with the friend she fell out with and urges readers to manage their relationships better. Indeed, friends are invaluable in a world as turbulent as ours, and reminders such as these are very important.
In subsequent chapters, Simi discusses sex and voices her opinions on how she believes it should feel. She addresses how sex is discussed in the Nigerian community, which can come off as hypocritical, an act everyone is doing but no one wants to talk about; thereby withholding from young people the valuable information necessary to make informed decisions and have healthy sex lives. She shares her own experiences, particularly concerning emotional connections and the sense of proximity sex may bring; urges parents and guardians to do better at educating their children; and appeals to her readers to stay true to who they are and what they desire.
In Mother’s Love, Simi eulogises her mother and the bond they share. She recognises the role her mother’s confidence and love for her played in shaping her into a confident and loving woman. “Her love for me taught me intention,” she writes. “I want to be a good mother like she is, or even better, but then I wonder if there is any love better than hers, except God’s love.”
The book also addresses marriage; its imperfections, fears and flaws. The author highlights polyamory, recounting memories with a love interest who was unsure about his feelings about her and another woman. She writes, “I threatened to leave so many times. I thought that would make you focus on me and decide to stay, but you never left her. You asked your friends to beg me anytime I left and you were so sad, but you never left her. You said, “It’s about us, not her.” You wanted to eat your cake and have it, too.” To round it up, the author shines a spotlight on God’s love by talking about her spiritual journey and the benefits it has brought her way.
My favourite chapters happen to be the ones on Self Love. Perhaps, because it’s a topic we all can relate to in varying degrees, irrespective of who we are. As someone who has struggled in one way or the other with loving myself and caring for myself, it was nice to know and feel that I was not alone and that my feelings were universal. Simi goes into detail about her journey learning to love herself in this chapter. She says: “I found it so easy to give people compliments on their looks, features, outfits, everything. But I found it so hard to believe others when they complimented me and I even found it harder to see myself as beautiful or compliment myself.”
While reading Memoirs of Love, it felt like I was browsing through the journals of a generous host, or having a nice conversation with a friend after crying my lungs out. At every point in time, Simi draws parallels with her experiences, before giving advice. As if to say: “This once happened to me, and this is how I dealt with it, and here’s how you can deal with it too.” Its use of simplistic language and numerous anecdotes make it a great comfort book from a young female Nigerian author which could as well be the proverbial lamp for young women (and men) trying to navigate relationships while also seeking an outsider’s perspective on the issues that may arise.
To purchase the book: https://selar.co/ldhu
If you want to know more about Simi, check out her Instagram.
Treasure Okure is a writer, model and creative based in Lagos, Nigeria. She loves art, life, learning and self-development. In her free time, she likes to read books, hangout with her friends and listen to music. She is very passionate about Amala. Connect with Treasure on Instagram.
Edited by Aminat Lawal
Aminat is a law graduate, feminist, writer and editor passionate about telling and reading stories about women. When she is not volunteering for a women’s rights cause, she works as a programs officer at a diversity, equity and inclusion consulting firm.
Published by Yetunde Onafuye
Yetunde is a storyteller, podcaster, and a graduate student with interest in the social and political history of post-independence Nigeria. She’s also the co-lead editor at Sisterly HQ. In her free time, she reads and reviews books, engages in social volunteering, and watches tons of dramas and TV shows. Connect with Yetunde on LinkedIn and Instagram.
