What I Know Now: The Club Fit Just Fine

The piece of paper listed six club names and was carefully framed with tape on a door. In the matter of just 15 minutes, I would know whether my college club, Feminists Unite, had, in fact, passed a final round of approval to become an official club at our school, St. John’s University in Queens, N.Y.

We weren’t official yet: We still had to give a three-minute speech to our student government organization and then answer questions for two minutes. For me, though, just by being in that room I was already in a very different place than before.

It started during my sophomore year when a friend and I were discussing the way women are portrayed in Hollywood. It was in that moment that she introduced me to feminism.

For whatever reason — maybe the fear of being judged — many people shy away from feminism. Maybe it’s due to perspective like that of evangelist Pat Robertson,who in 1992 wrote a letter to fellow evangelists claiming that, among other things, feminists “practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.”

Still, ever since I was capable of forming strong opinions, I’ve believed in the equality of the sexes and have also acknowledged that different minorities face their own struggles, whether those struggles have to do with race, ethnicity, gender, or sexual preference.

But even I had some doubt joining a club that had the word “feminist” in its name.

Then I met them: the club and my new sisterhood.

The friend who introduced me to feminism was actually the president. She talking me into going to a meeting, and when I finally went and met the group, I felt an odd sense of comfort.

At first it was a small group of people, maybe about 10 of us. It was also an eclectic group; no two people even remotely looked the same. Right now, we represent a variety of skin colors, heights, and body shapes, and this has helped our group by bringing in different perspectives. Currently, there are about 30 of us.

So far I’ve been amazed at the openness of the club’s members . There is no topic they are too shy to speak on, and there is no imaginary line drawn in the sand. We are free and that’s all that matters.

What do we do exactly? We once had a “self-love” workshop where we learned about female anatomy and related issues. We also had a menstruation lecture, and while most people find the topic uncomfortable, that lecture, surprisingly, prompted many members to open up and talk about their own experiences, as well as ask questions. But our club has also had a presentation on how women are portrayed in the media and many members said they were discouraged by the over-sexualization of women in movies and such. At that presentation some of the men who were present had opposing points of view, and we found this interesting too.

Growing up in a conservative, Catholic household, my ability to wonder and ask questions was very limited. I remember hearing a lot of “don’t do that” and “girls aren’t supposed to” and also “never say that.” It was very exhausting, to say the least.

For a long time, our club was in hiding. The university had not yet approved our status, so we were always roaming campus trying to find empty rooms where we could hold meetings. That was not fun. But finally our school approved us and gave us a room in Marillac Hall, where we could meet on Tuesdays at 5 p.m. It’s a pretty big room, seating about 50 people.

Now at this point you may be thinking that if ever I wanted to break the cycle of never asking questions or speaking up, going to a Catholic university might not have been the best solution. But here’s what I’ve learned lately.

Sir Francis Bacon, the English philosopher and statesman, once wrote “knowledge is power,” and that is the truest statement I’ve ever heard. If you want to understand something or someone, you must avoid judgement, even when it’s really hard because the “book” has a boring cover. You must form opinions after hearing both sides, even if you’ve been leaning against one side from the very start.

But learning is not easy. Trust me.

Getting lost, making mistakes; it all allows you to learn. Learn how something works, learn how something falls apart. Learning will never fail you, as will realizing your mistakes and finding your way out of the rabbit hole. I learned that my initial fear of associating with a controversial club was easy to overcome once I met the lovely people who would later become my fellow board members.