Bragging Rights

Trying to explain this internship is weird.

I’m proud of the work that I do here, and I’m proud of the work I’ve put in for my coursework, personal growth, and general contributions to society. I am, however, horrible at talking myself up.

I suck at getting compliments — I’ve said it so many times. I might be fresh off stage with flowers in my hands or in the back of the classroom putting my hand down. It doesn’t matter — if I’m given a compliment my response is the same. I downplay, distract, or barely acknowledge. “Great job, Sam! You’re such a natural on camera!” “I’m a theater kid, I’ll just talk at just about anyone!”

I’m awkward, to put it mildly. So, in the last day or two, as I rounded out finals week, I started to analyze my response to praise. I’d like to be able to accept a compliment instead of smiling and nodding while thinking I definitely spent 50% of the time on this project Googling how to do it!

Below, I analyze a few of my responses to praise. Yours may be similar or different, but I hope that my thought process helps you.!

• I feel like I don’t deserve the compliment in full.

This is the most common. Even if I agree with 99.5% of what you’re saying I factually accomplished, if I think .5% of what you said is too much, I won’t accept the compliment at all.

• I know the process I used to achieve the work isn’t “normal” and, therefore, shouldn’t be complimented like it was.

I’m a very holistic thinker. I complete things out of linear order, I “life hack” a lot of tasks, and I do everything while fighting against brain chemistry that would rather I slept all day. I hold myself to a psycho-normative pattern I simply don’t conform to, and when I receive praise, I assume that you think I reached end-game the same way you do. This makes my accomplishment null and void to me.

• I’m not good at giving compliments, either.

Call it what you want, anxiety or… anxiety, I have this idea that if I give someone a compliment, it’ll be perceived as ingenuine or worse, needy. This stops me from giving people compliments at all, something I’m really trying to get better at. Giving someone a compliment that’s genuine is not as big of a deal as my anxiety makes it out to be.

• I’m not good at complimenting myself.

When was the last time I praised myself (privately) for work I’d done? When did I take 5 minutes to give myself a pep-talk and take a minute to feel great about something? I can count on one hand. I don’t have enough appendages, though, to count how many times I’ve beat myself up for anything less than what I consider perfect.

With all of these thoughts, I’ve come up with two things I want to start doing in the next year. They’re simple enough, but since I’m not known for making anything simple, I’ve decided they’re going to take some Sam-sanctioned time to work on:

Giving real compliments to first myself, and then others.

I don’t expect this to be easy for me, but I do expect there to be some really, really good benefits. Practically, it’s going to mean looking for reasons to give others compliments. Virtual interactions make it harder to appreciate some aspects of the other person, but things like character traits and personality are still on the table! I plan to make time in my day to send a compliment — through text, over the phone, in a card. I also plan to process my daily accomplishments before bedtime every night. Winding down and being proud of myself means I’ll wake up ready to accomplish even more the next day!

Hopefully, my thoughts will inspire you to take a look at something you’d like to work on. You read this whole post! Good for you!

And I wrote it, so good for me, too.