Opinions Are for Suckers Audiobook
Thanks for purchasing the Opinions Are For Suckers audiobook. You made a good choice, but that’s just my honest opinion, which you should not give a damn about. If you do care to hear my opinion, this audiobook will teach you the ways to not caring what others have to say.
Chapter one. The customer is always right, and you’re the customer. If you go into a store to buy some yogurt, but you feel the price is too steep, barter with them. One tub of yogurt for a dreamcatcher with a picture of Willie Nelson in the middle sounds like a fair trade to you. Stick to your guns. You are the customer. You are always right.
The cashier may call the manager over, but don’t budge. Stare him straight in the eyes and tell him, “Willie catches your nightmares and eats them. Can this yogurt do that?” If the manager is smart, they’ll see that’s a valid point, and accept the trade. If not, they may ask you to leave, which is fine, because you didn’t want to be there anyways.
Chapter two. If someone says, “that’s a bad idea,” they’re probably just jealous. For example, if you’re at a football game and want to run out onto the field naked while tossing the pigskin around but your friends are telling you not to, they just wish they thought of it first. So go out there and do it and see who ends up on TV…you or your so-called friends. Note: pigskin is not a euphemism…but if you can’t find a football, throw a hot dog…it’s basically pigskin.
Chapter three. I can’t believe you paid 30 bucks for this. This is the last chapter, but the most important one. If you purchased this audiobook, even though it has nothing but bad 1-star reviews, that’s because you are already a master at not giving a bonafide shit. I have nothing left to teach you. I applaud you, as if you cared. However, if you feel this was a waste of your time, feel free to leave a review. I look forward to not reading what you have to say.
This story can be found on Episode 03 of the Skit Your Shorts comedy podcast and/or the moving picture show version.
