Släckdrünk — The Hand Sanitizer

What we’re making

I remember a decade ago when our maintenance staff put a large bottle of hand sanitizer on the circulation desk of my high school library. I didn’t request it. They just put it there. In those blithely germy days, it was infrequently used. As a librarian, I handled thousands of library books, textbooks, and devices a week. I never used the stuff. But I remember the first time I caught a whiff of sanitizer in the air. My first thought: who’s drinking martinis in my library? And was it vodka or gin?

Those of us who have spent any time with a real martini recognize its distinctive scent — unadulterated ethanol. The main difference between drinking gin or vodka from a paper bag and a martini glass is a spritz of a fancy French or Italian aperitif and an olive or a twist of lemon. But while you have large stockpiles of toilet paper lying around, you might have forgotten to pick up some light vermouth. No problem.

While the proof level of this cocktail is not high enough to double as real hand sanitizer, in a pinch, it might do the trick. But it’s going to be far more enjoyable in a cocktail glass. I’m going to assume you’re thirsty, have some neutral grain spirits lying around, and don’t want to go to the liquor store to buy vermouth. No problem. We’ll instead head to your yard (or the neighbors) to do some foraging to craft a spirit-driven cocktail that’s a nod to James Bond and the martini.

The Hand Sanitizer

The booze

2 oz of gin

1 oz of vodka

The adjustments

1/4 teaspoon homemade lemon/herb bitters*

1/4 teaspoon honey syrup*

Ice cubes

The swirl

Sprig of rosemary or a lemon twist

This cocktail will require a little more planning and a few more tools. But don’t worry, it’s worth the effort. I’ve created guides for both syrups and bitters to make your #bunkermixology fun and inebriating!

1. You can either shake or stir this cocktail. James Bond won’t care. They killed him off in the last movie. If you don’t have a cocktail shaker, a Kerr or Mason jar with lid will work just fine.
2. Make sure you’ve already crafted your honey syrup and bitters. Assuming they are ready to go….
3. Add gin and vodka to your shaker or jar. Then carefully add 1/4 teaspoon (probably the smallest one on your ring of measuring spoons) of the bitters and syrup. While this seems like an inconsequential amount of these ingredients, trust me — it will transform your drink. If you put in too much, it will go from balanced to a bad joke.
4. Add ice cubes and shake or stir until the mixture is ice cold. The goal here is to ensure that the drink is chilled to its core and slightly diluted from the ice. This is the magical alchemy of cocktails.
5. Pour and/or strain into a cocktail glass and garnish with a twist of lemon peel and/or a small sprig of rosemary. The goal of this garnish is a scent of aromatic oil — twisting the peel over the cocktail will create a sheen of lemon oil on the top of the drink. If you use rosemary. clap it between your hands to liberate some of the oils in the leaves before adding it to the drink. If you don’t have either, don’t despair. Your bitters will do the trick just fine.

In the old days, people made pitchers of martinis. There is no reason you can’t batch this and keep it cold in the fridge. Just make sure you take the ice cubes out or it will dilute into sadness.

The Hand Sanitizer Playlist Starters

Martini — The Presets

Ain’t That a Kick In the Head — Dean Martin

Fly Me To the Moon — Julie London

You Only Live Twice — Nancy Sinatra

No Hay Problema — Pink Martini

The Hand Sanitizer Binge Watching

Mad Men — Season 1 Episode 7 features the classic ‘red in the face’ martini scene

Matt Helm — Dean Martin created several movies that spoofed James Bond and inspired….

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery — The first and best.