Sign in Get started

Slackjaw

Medium humor. Large laughs.

Hot Off The Internet Printing Press

The Carnival Barker Was Way Off On My Age, Then Got Preachy About My Health

The Carnival Barker Was Way Off On My Age, Then Got Preachy About My Health

I wagered four American dollars for a prize, not a lecture.

Nov 30

Let’s Meet In Real Life

Let’s Meet In Real Life

Why don’t we skip the small talk and get straight to a date?

Nov 30

Dear Unrequited (Nearly-Recycled) The New Yorker:

Dear Unrequited (Nearly-Recycled) The New Yorker:

Can we talk? Let me rephrase that: Because we both know you can — and you do — talk. A lot. Incessantly.

Nov 29

My Girlfriend And I Are On This Dating Show To Strengthen Our Relationship

My Girlfriend And I Are On This Dating Show To Strengthen Our Relationship

Knowing it’ll be nationally televised will give me the space to work on my intimacy problems.

Nov 28

To Heal its Rural-Urban Divide, America Needs A National ‘Trading Places Day’

To Heal its Rural-Urban Divide, America Needs A National ‘Trading Places Day’

The rural-urban divide in America is real, and it’s getting worse. That’s why we need a national “Trading Places Day.”

Nov 27

A Small Town Retracts Their Claim Of Being The Only City In The World With A Love Lock Bridge

A Small Town Retracts Their Claim Of Being The Only City In The World With A Love Lock Bridge

Upon further investigation, we have discovered at least 80 others in cities throughout the world, including one in Serbia dating back a…

Nov 25

Happy Predict-How-Sick-You’ll-Be-Next-Year Season To All Who Celebrate!

Happy Predict-How-Sick-You’ll-Be-Next-Year Season To All Who Celebrate!

A seasonal letter from your favorite health insurance company

Nov 24

More Heehee's and Hoohoo's

A Turkey Pardons America

A Turkey Pardons America

Instead of pardoning me for the act of existing, I’d like to pardon you for all your wrongdoing over the years. And there’s been a lot.

Nov 23

Three Hallmark Thanksgiving Movie Ideas That Should Be Made To Celebrate The Forgotten Holiday…

Three Hallmark Thanksgiving Movie Ideas That Should Be Made To Cele...

Halloween is over and that means Hallmark Christmas movies, Mariah Carey, and now vacant Spirit Halloween retail spaces are officially open…

Nov 23

How To Be A Civilized Ex-Wife

How To Be A Civilized Ex-Wife

When you see your ex, don’t embarrass him by noting how his new scraggly beard resembles his pubic hair.

Nov 22

We Miss You At Yoga Delight

We Miss You At Yoga Delight

Hi, Sarah, it’s us again, your old pals at Yoga Delight. Hate to bother you, hate to keep checking in, but we’re feeling a little down.

Nov 21

That’s A Party School

That’s A Party School

At that school, all they do is party.

Nov 20

Watching The Gilded Age Instead Of Monday Night Football? Me? Yeah, Right!

Watching The Gilded Age Instead Of Monday Night Football? Me? Yeah,...

(But seriously, I’m not)

Nov 20

I’m Sorry If You Thought The ‘Waste Of Space’ In My Autofictional Novel Was Based On You

I’m Sorry If You Thought The ‘Waste Of Space’ In My Autofictional N...

Novels about a guy that sucks who exactly resembles you are a dime a dozen.

Nov 18

Dear Valued Boyfriend, This Relationship Is Transitioning To A Subscription Model

Dear Valued Boyfriend, This Relationship Is Transitioning To A Subs...

We hope you enjoyed your free trial. Here’s what’s next.

Claire Haus 🦩

Nov 17

We’re Extremely Serious About Coffee

We’re Extremely Serious About Coffee

You have a SOUL, right? If not, please seek a different coffee establishment.

Nov 16

I Am A True Crime Podcaster And I Promise That I Am Definitely Not Falling In Love With The…

I Am A True Crime Podcaster And I Promise That I Am Definitely Not ...

A response to my recent interview with the Detroit Disembowler.

Nov 16

“Younger Looking Eyes”

“Younger Looking Eyes”

I don’t know what she’s been doing but …

Nov 15

A Murder Mystery Dinner Theater Where Someone Actually Died

A Murder Mystery Dinner Theater Where Someone Actually Died

Intrigue, murder, and mozzarella sticks

Nov 14

Ten Empires Guys Can Think About Besides The Roman One

Ten Empires Guys Can Think About Besides The Roman One

And you don’t even have to wear a toga

Nov 13

The Interview Portion Of The Monopoly Beauty Contest

The Interview Portion Of The Monopoly Beauty Contest

Who will win second prize and collect $10?

Nov 11

BREAKING NEWS: More News

BREAKING NEWS: More News

You are not going to believe this, by which I mean you definitely most certainly will.

Nov 10

Failed Attempts To Make It On Time To Complimentary Hotel Breakfasts

Failed Attempts To Make It On Time To Complimentary Hotel Breakfasts

Sometimes you have to accept that you’re not the kind of person who can make a free hotel breakfast.

Nov 9

Jane Austen’s Elizabeth Bennet Joins Threads

Jane Austen’s Elizabeth Bennet Joins Threads

In which Miss Bennet seeks out a Twitter replacement.

Nov 8

I Do Some Of My Best Worrying In The Morning

I Do Some Of My Best Worrying In The Morning

With my hastily made cup of Folgers, I settle into my well worn spot on the couch and you know, fret

Nov 7

What Classic Game You Are, Based On Your Generation

What Classic Game You Are, Based On Your Generation

Reduce your entire existence to a pastime invented to fill the leisure hours between working in an 1800s factory and sleeping.

Nov 7

Girl, I Can’t Wait To Take You Home And Show You My Bar Globe

Girl, I Can’t Wait To Take You Home And Show You My Bar Globe

Picture my bar globe whirling along, your supple fingers tracing the continents like a billionaire’s Gulfstream soaring across the world.

Nov 6

A Guide To Hustling, By Me, A Sloth

A Guide To Hustling, By Me, A Sloth

It’s all about that sigma sloth grindset.

Luke Strathmann

Nov 6

Enjoy This Tackle Box From Your In-Denial Dad

Enjoy This Tackle Box From Your In-Denial Dad

The version of you in my head fishes every Saturday, after quarterbacking the varsity team Friday nights.

Nov 3

Your Baby Is The Size Of A Beet With Two Leaves On It, And Other Unhelpful Size Comparisons

Your Baby Is The Size Of A Beet With Two Leaves On It, And Other Un...

Week 4: Congratulations on your growing bundle of joy! Right now, your zygote is approximately 7/8ths the size of a kumquat seed.

Nov 2

Nicknames Of Vegan Mobsters

Nicknames Of Vegan Mobsters

These cold-blooded vegangsters would kale for some pasta fazool

Nov 1

Famous Authors On Cameo

Famous Authors On Cameo

Literary greats can be sellouts too!

Oct 31

About SlackjawLatest StoriesArchiveAbout MediumTermsPrivacyTeams