11 Signs that Your Romantic Involvement with Ernest Hemingway is Probably Not Going to Pan Out

You realize that the TV will always be on Ken Burns’ documentaries and the fishing channel.

“I’m really more of a cat person.”

Key West won’t work, because alligators and Parrotheads.

All your friends think he’s weird because of the absinthe-induced rants about F. Scott Fitzgerald’s penis.

You find taxidermy creepy.

Old Spice keeps harassing him to be a spokesperson.

Frequent shopping trips to Abercrombie & Fitch, but he refuses to buy a new hat.

He hates it when you want to talk about feelings.

You’re jealous of his calf muscles.

His unreasonably sympathy for the absentee dads on Maury Povich.

He gets all “know-it-all” anytime someone brings up Paris.

After too many daiquiris, he falls asleep during sex.

The smell of beard oil makes you nauseated.

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