17 Classic Dad Jokes All Fathers Pull on Their Sons

1. Pretending to pull your son’s nose off his face and maniacally shouting, “Got your nose!”

2. The ol’ fake-snake-in-a-can gag.

3. Waiting until the kid is about to open the passenger door of the car and then driving forward five feet. Over and over again. Every day for like eight years.

4. Blowing his college fund betting the Giants against the spread in Super Bowl XXXV.

5. “Reverse Grounding” this son and telling him he couldn’t come home for two weeks.

6. Introducing him to strangers as your “chauffeur’s son.”

7. Clearly preferring your other, very popular, more athletic son. When confronted about this, dismissively stating that the two boys were like “apples and oranges.” Even though they were twins. And you were allergic to oranges.

8. Bringing your son to the office on Bring Your Daughter to Work Day.

9. Further compounding the insult by telling him, “I’m just trying to support your alternative lifestyle.” (!?!)

10. Telling your less athletic son to “Go long!” during activities other than playing catch (shopping in a crowded mall, getting the family photo taken, most mornings, etc.).

11. Significantly hindering this same son’s middle school social standing by convincing him that “the birds and the bees” speech his mother had given him was literal.

12. Cyberbullying him.

13. Catfishing him.

14. Naming your mid-life crisis boat after your son.

15. Coming out of the closet the day after he asks you to attend his Boy Scout troop’s camping outings and then following up this shocking announcement by moving in with a sculptor named Clarke. Eventually coming home (after living with Clarke for four years) the week after your kid ages out of Boy Scouts with only the cryptic explanation that you’re “not gay anymore.”

16. Years later, while on your deathbed and giving tender farewells to your loved ones, pulling aside your less successful but still 100% biological child and confiding to him that, “Despite our differences, in many ways you were like a son to me.”

17. “Pull my finger.”