20 Times Al Gore’s Life Could’ve Been A Friends Episode

A Gen Xer’s ode to the president who got away

Trish Sammer

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May 5, 2020 · 2 min read

1. The One Where Monica’s Dress Gets Ruined and Al Almost Becomes President
2. The One Where Al Wins the Presidential Debate But No One Notices Because His Monotone Has Lulled the Entire Nation to Sleep
3. The One Where Al Decides to Show His Fun Side by Wearing Chinos and a Polo Shirt
4. The One Where No One Thinks “Al Gore Seems Like Someone I Could Have a Beer With”
5. The One Where Al Pretends He Invented the Internet
6. The One Where Al Tries to Explain That He Never Actually Said He Invented the Internet, Per Se, But No One Wants to Hear it
7. The One Where Al Has a Chino Boner on the Cover of Rolling Stone Magazine
8. The One Where Al Is Almost President, Again
9. The One Where Al Is in the Extremely Unique and Highly-Unlikely-to-be-Duplicated Position of Having to Live Life as the Person Who Won the Popular Vote but Lost the Electoral College
10. The One Where Gen Xers Momentarily Consider Protesting in the Streets Over Al’s Stolen Presidency, But Then Remember That No One Listens to Them Anyway
11. The One Where Al Gracefully Fades Away from the Spotlight but Still Gets Made Fun of For Saying He Invented the Internet
12. The One Where Al Becomes Accidentally Sexy For a Minute After Deciding “Fuck It. I’m Growing a Lumberjack Beard”
13. The One Where Al Decides to Stage a Big Comeback by Releasing a Feature-Length Movie About Science
14. The One Where Al Gets Skewered by the Right-Wing Media for Having the Wrong Lightbulbs in His House Even Though Personal Energy Use is Insignificant in the Face of a Potentially World-Ending Crisis
15. The One Where Al Wins the Nobel Peace Prize for His Boring Science Movie
16. The One Where Al Quietly Makes $35 Million in Apple Stocks in His Retirement Job But Still Gets Made Fun of For Saying He Invented the Internet
17. The One Where Al Scolds the World Economic Forum for Using Plastic Bags
18. The One Where Al Goes on a Meditation Retreat to Make Peace With the Inconvenient Truth That Even If You Could Rescue a Whale From the Warming Oceans, You’d Have Nowhere to Put It
19. The One Where Al Wears the Same Chinos for a Month During Quarantine, Yet Somehow They Never Wrinkle
20. The One Where Gen Xers Briefly Consider Re-watching Al’s Boring Science Movie to See If It Mentions Pandemics, But Then Decide They’re Already Depressed Enough

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