36 Hours In Your Own Apartment
By Jack Stebbins and Jus Kaplan
If you find a weekend when you can escape your responsibilities–even for the shortest of getaways–you’d be remiss not to explore a gem enjoyed by a select few: Your Own Apartment.
You probably know it as a popular destination for sleeping between shifts at your service industry job, but you’d be surprised what adventures and destinations await should you find yourself with free time. From the sprawling views of your neighbor’s window to the mountainous range of dumpsters mere feet from your front door, there is so much to take in at Your Own Apartment if you know where to look. Here’s where we think you should start.
ITINERARY
SATURDAY
3 a.m. Go to bed
You just got back from a grueling double shift — what a relief that you have the next day and a half off. Crawl onto your cozy mattress on the floor, which still has that fresh-out-of-the-box smell (Nectar, $700). Even though you’re exhausted, you can’t seem to fall asleep. How about a nightcap? There’s a 24-hour haunt down the road where you can grab a simple-yet-elegant libation (CVS melatonin gummies, $11.99).
10 a.m. Rise and bask
Wake up to a refreshing reminder of just how close your lodgings are to the city’s reliable public transit system. The thunderous rattle of the subway pairs perfectly with the sunshine beaming directly into your eyes through cracked blinds, so relax and take time to enjoy the only 45 minutes of the day that your bedroom actually gets natural light.
10:45 a.m. Power up with breakfast
Your abode comes complete with stocked shelves full of pre-bought food, but you’re feeling adventurous. Go have a burnt coffee from the neighborhood market lovingly called a “bodega” by locals and a “hazard” by the Health Department ($3.49) along with a toasted bagel from a nearby patisserie (Pret a Manger, $8.00). Alternatively, a provisions chauffeur service is a convenient option that stimulates the local economy (UberEats, $28.44).
12:30 p.m. Relax, you’ve got amenities
Enjoy some quality time taking advantage of your full array of hotel-caliber furnishings: a vintage couch, no dishwasher, and a kitchenette complete with an almost-cold-enough fridge. Have a lukewarm beer, you’re on vacation after all! Don’t forget to explore your ample amenities like moderate-speed internet and two separate streaming services, one of which you know the password for.
1:30 p.m. Make lunch plans
Score a table at the neighborhood’s best-kept secret, a quiet eatery with an ambiance perfect for an afternoon reconnecting with an old friend (Chipotle).
1:45 p.m. Cancel lunch plans
Your friend flaked–too hungover. Cancel your reservation at the neighborhood’s best-kept secret by removing your jacket from the back of the chair at the only clean table. But before you go, be sure to snag a much-deserved refreshment (Diet Coke in a water cup, $0.00).
4:30 p.m. Commune with nature
Once home, experience the native flora of the area by watering the single houseplant you own. Watch the epic cycles of nature unfold before your eyes as you put the succulent under the showerhead, likely drowning it. Afterwards, cultivate your own native organisms in the grimy grout between the broken bathroom tiles.
5:30 p.m. Meet the elusive locals
It isn’t until Saturday evening that you should expect to catch a glimpse of the locals here in Your Own Apartment. But if you spot one on his way to his weekly shower, the guy you found on Roomie is an excellent resource to learn about local culture (the Jets) and traditions (not washing the backs of plates).
6:30 p.m. Dinner and a show
You’re feeling famished. How about tapas? Return to the bodega and craft the small plate meal of your dreams (Kettle chips, Totino’s pizza rolls, a stick of salami, $18.76). Eat most of the chips on the walk back to Your Own Apartment while watching an urban street performance (Someone trying to parallel park).
7:00 p.m. Nap the night away
Doze off on the couch. Accidentally sleep for like 16 hours.
SUNDAY
1:00 p.m. Feeling brunchy?
An early afternoon bite overlooking the kitchenette sink full of dishes is a perfect way to fuel up for the waning hours of your weekend. Try the wet eggs on dry toast, a traditional meal in Your Own Apartment.
3:00 p.m. Get moving!
Can you believe it’s been 36 hours already? Your relaxing stay flew by, didn’t it? Just the reset you needed. So much so that you can’t even recall a single thing you did. End strong with some cardio. Simply existing in Your Own Apartment on Sunday afternoon spikes your heart rate more than a brisk walk would. Want to really break a sweat? Your palms are guaranteed to be soaked when you realize your work week starts in an hour–you’re scheduled for the Sunday dinner rush, remember?
