5 Actions That Won’t Help You Get Published
Guaranteed not to work
It’s a waste of time…
I pray every day for a wad of cash to land on my lap and instead I get robbed with my eyes closed!
Praying won’t help you get published, but it will help you gather your thoughts into one coherent message.
However, if that message fails to get even God’s attention… maybe writing isn’t your path.
2. Stare at a Clock
I stare at a clock every day while I’m supposed to be working. It helps pass the time…
But it won’t help you get published.
You will, however, become very popular at work. When somebody asks, “What’s the time?” You’ll be the first to answer.
The guy who always knows the weather or the game score won’t be happy, but everyone else will appreciate your time.
3. Show Your Parents
Parents are great at critiquing everything you DON’T do. Why don’t you get married? Why don’t you visit anymore? Why don’t you get a REAL job?
But they’re big fans of what you do do. Like your writing.
So when you show them a piece you’re hoping to get published, chances are they’ll lie and say it’s the best thing ever written!
I know, I know… it’s because your parents love you. Wrong! It’s because they know they’re one nasty comment away from a retirement home.
4. Quit Your Day Job
You haven’t even been published yet and you’ve decided to quit your day job…
Not a good career move.
I’m not saying that you won’t become the next J.K. Rowling. Just that the chances of making a living out of your writing is not very likely. It’s a lot of work and hey, you haven’t even been published yet!
Wait till you get that first cheque before telling your boss you hate their combover.
5. Get Angry
This is my favourite thing to do that’s guaranteed not to help you get published…
I begin with a nasty email explaining why the editor must be insane for not recognising my genius. I pepper this with inflammatory language and personal attacks.
The angrier you sound in the email, the less chance you have of getting published. So give it a go and lemme know if you get different results.
Or you can just be patient, like I did with this piece.
Thanks for reading, for another funny list…