6 Parties To Have Between Your Gender Reveal And Your Baby Shower
If you play your cards right, you can get away with never having to buy anything for the first year of your new child’s life.
Congratulations on your pregnancy! Now that you’re growing a life, the world should revolve around you. Of course, by that, we don’t mean this country should enact policies that would make life easier for pregnant people and parents of small children. We mean everyone should give you an unending stream of attention!
Having your gender reveal as a separate event from the baby shower could mean double the gifts. Why stop there? Make the next nine months all about you with these additional party ideas. If you play your cards right, you can get away with never having to buy anything for the first year of your new child’s life.
Now that you know the sex of your baby, it’s time to pick a name and make sure no one you know names their kid the same thing. Your child is special and unique just like you and you should never have to differentiate them from another child with the same first name. Your sister’s hairdresser who you never interact with also having a Haiyleeyeigh would be way too confusing!
If anyone else who you know or who knows someone you know is currently pregnant and considering the name that you have claimed for your child, declare a duel. If there are several of them, make it a tournament. Invite the whole town to watch it all go down and bring a baby gift for admission. Kitchen knives, craft scissors, and light building tools are all great weapon choices. The first to draw blood wins each round and the last preggo standing at the end gets the name and the whole pile of gifts. Repeat as many times as you need to. If you have a popular name in mind, train with a professional before the event. You don’t want to get stuck naming your baby something like Phyllis or Walter.
Expectation Pushing Party
Why wait until your child is born to start pushing expectations on them? Send out invitations declaring that Thrayden will be homecoming king and go to your alma mater on a football scholarship. Encourage guests to bring gifts that fit that theme. Dressing Thrayden in football-print jammies and onesies that say “Ladies’ Man” the second he’s born won’t make him anymore likely to follow that path, but it sure as hell will ensure that you develop such a strong attachment to this hypothetical that you’ll be devastated if he is born with a disability, comes out gay or trans, or even has different interests than you did as a child.
Fawn Over Your Pregnancy Photo Shoot Party
You had a pregnancy photo shoot, right? Waiting for the likes to pour in from Facebook and Instagram just isn’t enough! Invite your friends over to your house specifically to gush about how much you’re glowing and purchase prints from the photographer because it’s totally normal to keep a large framed photo of another couple with their hands in a heart shape over the baby bump in your house.
Judgment On Your Pregnancy-Related Choices Party
There’s something about the presence of a pregnant person that turns everyone into an OB/GYN. Whether it’s your mom encouraging you to make the same choices she did because you “turned out fine,” your co-worker who read a blog post, or even a stranger who saw you with a Starbucks cup, these folks just can’t keep their advice to themselves. Why not encourage them to pay for the privilege in gifts? The gathering itself will make you wish you could down an entire bottle moscato, but at least you won’t have to buy clothes for your child until they turn two!
Half-Baked Parenting Advice Party
You could fold this into the Judgement on Your Pregnancy-Related Choices Party, but why would you when it could mean your loved ones could shower you with gifts to pay for the privilege of nagging you a second time? Oh, you think I should use cloth diapers? Then buy me some cloth diapers, Brenda!
There you have it! Now, you may be wondering if people will come to these parties if they’ve never heard of them before, but I wouldn’t be concerned about that. Gender reveals as we know them today have existed for less than ten years, but marketing and peer pressure have convinced the masses that they’re an essential part of any pregnancy. Ignore the haters! They may think these parties are tacky now, but they’ll jump on the bandwagon in a few years when they’re pregnant and all their friends have had them.