6 Things That Happened To Me When I Left My Phone At Home For A Day

Andrew Knott
Sep 7 · 4 min read

1. I Began to Really Notice My Surroundings

I’m not going to lie, when I first left home without my phone, it just felt wrong. I was anxious. I felt like I was missing an arm. But after a few hours, I started to feel like myself again. And even better, I got to reconnect with the outside world. I never realized just how much I missed while I was staring at my phone. The wind rustling through the leaves on the majestic oak trees in the park near my home, the cute little Pomeranians with their matching sweaters, and this rakishly attractive yet slightly menacing gentleman who seems to be following me. It’s so refreshing to be untethered from technology and just existing!

2. I Started Re-Programming My Brain

I kept walking for what seemed like hours. I explored every inch of that beautiful park. It’s amazing how quickly you can begin to change your entire perspective. What was I thinking about instead of notifications and tweets and snapchats and calling my friend to see if maybe she could come pick me up if I got into any sort of trouble? Good question! I thought about so many things I hadn’t thought about in ages. Like the sound dead leaves make when crunched under foot by a person walking behind you. And is that guy really still behind me after I’ve zigged and zagged for miles around this park? And he’s definitely following me, isn’t he? And if I made a run for it is there any chance I could make it back to the crowded city streets? And how far does the sound of a scream carry?

3. I Met Someone!

So, that guy who I thought was following me? Turns out he wasn’t a stalker at all. In fact, he said he “loved the way my calf muscles flexed when I was walking.” So sweet! His name is Derrick. It’s great to meet someone the old-fashioned way instead of online. Making a real person-to-person connection is just so much more authentic. And, since I didn’t have my phone, I couldn’t ruin it by overthinking things. Nope. There was no frantic googling or snooping on his Instagram. I got to discover the real Derrick organically. And there was so much to learn!

4. I Kept the Mystery Alive

Derrick is so funny! We were getting a bite to eat after our walk in the park and he paused, poked at his very rare steak, and said with kind of a glazed look, “I’m so glad you don’t have your phone. I wouldn’t want you to know all my secrets.” So adorable and mysterious! I love when a guy keeps me guessing. And thank God I couldn’t text my friends and ask them to do a quick background check online and report back immediately. That would have ruined the whole vibe!

5. I Had Real-Life Adventures!

When we finished eating, Derrick asked if I wanted him to show me something. I asked what kind of thing and he said, “Something like you’ve never seen before.” Hello, of course I did! After all, I didn’t have Twitter to distract me, so I was ready to live! We walked back to the park. (I think of it as our park now.) Then he led me far off the path, deep into the dark woods. Talk about an adventure! I certainly wouldn’t have been this spontaneous with my email right in my pocket begging to be checked. “Are you ready?” Derrick asked as we stopped beside a pile of old tree limbs and leaves. I nodded, and he pushed aside some of the branches with his boot. There was a dead body underneath. Wow! Talk about unexpected. It really is a great big world out there and you never know what you’ll see if you just stop scrolling Instagram in your never-ending search for the perfect beach sunset picture!

6. I Felt So Free!

Even though I’ve experienced a few inconveniences since becoming a ghost, I’ve actually never felt freer. I’m not a slave to my phone anymore and also I can sail through walls and scare the crap out of my exes. It’s just the best! I’m so glad I finally decided to leave my phone at home and enjoy my life. Everyone should follow my lead! And if you run into Derrick — which you might because he’s still lurking around probably — please give him a message from me. “Seriously, dude? Not cool!”

Slackjaw

Medium humor. Large laughs.

Thanks to Michelle Spies

Andrew Knott

Written by

Writer, humorist, dad of three. Writing for Washington Post, McSweeney’s, Weekly Humorist, and more. Fatherhood Book: www.amazon.com/author/andrewbknott

Slackjaw

Slackjaw

Medium humor. Large laughs.

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade