8 Things to do Instead of Throwing Litter from Your Car Window

This is trash. You are trash.

1. Roll your window up on your hand. Do this until your fingertips pop off. You won’t be throwing anything for a long while now.

2. If it’s a cup, bottle, or can, reuse it as a portable urinal. I do this all the time. Remember to remind passengers not to drink from your open containers.

3. Eat your litter. Goats do this, so can you. Ignore any mild indigestion. I’ve heard your stomach will adapt over time.

4. Set the litter on fire in your passenger seat. It should burn or melt quickly. This is great for additional heat in winter.

5. Make a litter person to sit next to you. A litter person makes for great company on long trips. You might also get to take advantage of HOV lanes in certain areas.

6. Litterbugs are assholes. You probably have an asshole. Try shoving the litter up your asshole instead.

7. Leave the litter in the car and throw yourself out the window. You’ll biodegrade much quicker than any plastic or aluminum products.

8. Stop opening things in your car. You can’t handle the responsibility. You probably shouldn’t be driving at all.