8 Thoughts I Had Walking to a 6 AM Yoga Class

Besides “why am I awake right now even”

I am not a morning person. In fact, if I said that I didn’t wake up at 5:15, look outside at the still-darkness, laugh, then try to fall back asleep and only left the apartment because I couldn’t fall back asleep? I’d be lyin’.

So waking up at 5:15 AM to go to a 6 AM yoga class in the morning time is the craziest thing I’ve ever done since eating a fruit fly when I was 11. Truly livin’ on the edge.

They say that writers should write in the morning because I don’t know, your brain is yelling at you for being awake so early and maybe spits out some good ideas (that’s science fact.) But I will say, I see where “they” are coming from. Because in the 15 minute walk in the cold to yoga, I had a lot of thoughts about the most first-world-white-girl struggle of going to early yoga.

Here are a few of them.

I wonder if there’s a noodle place called Oodles of Noodles…

And if there’s not, the world is missing a big opportunity.

Why is this considered the “morning?”

This is not morning. Morning starts when there is sun. There is no sun here.

Was it originally spelled “Mourning”?

Because mourning being awake before the sun is is just a natural response, let’s be real. Maybe someone just couldn’t spell, forgot the “u”, and it stuck. Kinda like how you KNOW in your soul that butterfly” was once “flutter-by” until someone royally took a different turn with it.

Is a “Super Like” on Tinder creepy?

My cousin was telling me about this new feature on Tinder. And like…is it creepy? Do you get to your first date with someone who “super liked” you feeling like you’re doing a charity dinner for your biggest fan? Is there a Tinder-status imbalance if you super liked them and they didn’t super like you? And if so why didn’t they super like you? Do you really want that question to loom over the two of you for the rest of your lives?

Who are these people…

A guy just passed me smoking a cigar. At 5:30 AM. Why. And who are these people running outside. If it’s so cold that you have to dress up like a ninja to run outside (so, presumably, the cold can’t see you and therefore can’t affect you), then son, why you doin’ that.

Why is that guy blasting club music?

Like, bass turnt fully up. I don’t care if he was trying to wake himself up — it’d be like eating chocolate cake in the morning. It’s just wrong. I wonder if he’s friends with the cigar dude…if they’re not, then knock knock, who’s there, a missed connection, that’s who.

Remember the song “Young and Wild and Free?”

That was a good song. We should bring it back, guys. Let’s ask Top 40 guy.

Namaste? More like NamasBAE, y’all. See ya next Thursday, gym.


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