9 More Kama Sutra Positions For Middle-Aged Americans
Offer On Her
The woman stands naked in the foyer, surrounded by unopened mail, while the man sensually brushes her flesh with an offer for a 25% discount on a Tempurpedic mattress.
Bi-Focal Curious
The man and woman glide into their usual preferred lovemaking position, but each wears the other’s reading glasses so everything looks completely different.
After The Commute, Before ‘Jeopardy’
The woman leans over as if beginning a handstand while the man lifts her legs the way he’d carry a rolled-up 10’ x 13’ Tabriz Persian rug from a Pier 1 Imports into a Toyota Sienna mini-van. They shudder with pleasure like a rusty wheelbarrow being pushed down a cobblestoned lane while trading anecdotes about their day.
Red River Rise and Fall
The woman rides the man with the languid rhythm of a carousel horse while they both monitor their blood pressure on MOCACuff Wireless Bluetooth Wrist Blood Pressure Monitors before, during and after orgasm, ensuring that the reading stays near or beneath the 120/80 recommended by their doctors.
