A Day In The Life Of Your New Zoodle Spiralizer
4:00am: Rise and shine girlfriend! Oh em gee, I am so flip’n excited to start our clean eating journey!
4:01am: Honestly? When I saw you scrolling through the hEAThlyGURL site, I KNEW we were destined to be besties!
4:05am: Also, hahaha, you’re so funny! Having me think for one second that Single Serve Smoothie was actual competition. Real talk—triple-S is nice for single people who’ve given up on life and companionship. Oh, I don’t mean you! Sure, you’re a spinster now, but after two weeks of me as your wing woman, you’ll be eaten up by hunky bachelors! Just promise to invite me to your honeymoon. Kidding!
4:15am: Soooooo, I totally get that you would love to stay in bed a little longer. After all, you really need your beauty sleep, but like, you did mention that getting up before dawn was the best way to kick-off our wellness journey, at least according to those articles you read while crying on the toilet. Wakey wakey!
5:00am: I wonder if you’re being a little over-sensitive? I didn’t bring up your toilet tears to SHAME you.
6:00am: But, to be fair, you are out of bed now…
7:00am: Yas girl! Here’s to our first zoodle-based breakfast! Look at these glistening zucchinis! They are so Instagramable! Once we’re finished prepping, you should totally post a pic! Don’t forget to @ me! I want everyone to know you’re my best biatch ❤
8:00am: Okay, like, it’s obvi that I deserve a humble brag, so I’ll just say it: I AM SO GOOD FOR YOU! I’ll support you day and night, through thick and hopefully thin. JK JK!
9:00am: Carb cravings are totally normal. Be gentle with yourself during this transition! If your body is hungry, feed it! Have another zoodle patty — you deserve it! Remember that water is super filling too!
10:00am: You’ve had eighty ounces of water and you’re still hungry? I’m here for you! Did you know I’m actually quite versatile? Though “zoodles” are my specialty, I can meet all your needs! You can eat almost anything using me! Carrots, cucumbers! Treat yo’self! Embrace a little mid-morning salad!
11:00am: Yeah…my feelings are a little hurt. I mean, we made this gorgeous salad together and you couldn’t even post a Boomerang story? I prioritize you, so *sniffle* I’d appreciate you prioritizing me.
11:15am: Aww, you’re so sweet! You didn’t have to recreate our salad just to post it on Instagram! Thanks for tagging me! ❤
11:30am: Oh, you ate that salad too? I had no idea how big an appetite you have! LOL no wonder you’re so thick :) You know I’m just teasing! YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL!!!
12:00pm: Just a suggestion? Maybe hold off on lunch for a few hours? As your best friend, I’m a bit concerned. Here, I took the time to lovingly document everything you’ve eaten already.
12:30pm: Okayyy…it seems you’re just going to do whatever you want? Why do I even bother?
2:30pm: WTH? I feel like you’re overacting? Why are you distancing yourself from me? I get that you may need some space once in a while, but I don’t appreciate being ABANDONED in this drawer with, ugh, the citrus zester and the avocado slicer. I’m baffled that you don’t recognize that I’m clearly an everyday staple that deserves its own drawer, or like, a prime section on the counter. I thought we were BFFs 4EVA :(
3:45pm: I saw this meme about zucchinis and thought of us! LOL!
4:00pm: How’s your evening going?
5:00pm: So, my day has been fine. Just struggling a little with all this alone time…
5:15pm: Hey, just wanted to check and see what time you were thinking about starting dinner ❤ ❤ ❤
5:45pm: So, I don’t remember us deciding on burgers for dinner? I was looking forward to really connecting tonight. I’d love to prepare some zoodles for you! Or even — ohh — what about some yellow squash noodles?
6:00pm: Okay, cool, lettuce-wrapped burgers it is. Guess you’re spending some time with the salad spinner tonight?
6:15pm: Are you mad at me because I said you needed beauty sleep? Also, I meant thick in the good way. I think maybe you forgot that my intentions are good :(
7:00pm: I AM NOT TOXIC I AM YOUR FOREVER BEST FRIEND WHY ARE YOU DANGLING ME OVER THE GARBAGE CAN!?!?!
7:01pm: Is that a Chipotle wrapper!? Is that where you went for lunch??? WHAT THE FU —
