A Foodie Leads The Passover Seder
Bad food. Small portions.
Happy Pesach, everyone! I’m honored to be hosting you all for tonight’s seder. Get ready for a conceptual dining experience unlike anything you’ve ever imagined. “What makes tonight different from all other nights?” you ask. I’ll tell you what: the finest, most obscure ingredients, prepared with cutting-edge techniques, and presented with more grandeur than Cecil B. DeMille’s The Ten Commandments.
Before we partake of the festive meal, I’ll be leading you through a series of sensorial encounters to prime your palate for a biblical journey, just as Moses led our ancestors out of bondage in Egypt and across the Red Sea to the Promised Land. By the time I’m through with this hours-long production, you’ll feel like you’ve been fasting for Yom Kippur.
Some vocabulary to get us started: the Hebrew word “seder” literally means “order.” With that in mind, we’ll be following a strict pre-meal ritual, timed to precision. So do exactly as I say.
Aunt Sadie, stop bragging about your matzah balls. It’s gauche.
As we prepare to recite the blessing over the first cup of wine, you’ll notice that the usual bottle of Manischewitz Extra Heavy Malaga is absent from the table. That’s because the aggressive concord grape flavor profile would spoil the gustatory…
