A Guide To The Summer Weed Olympics
This year, the 420 most elite stoners will gather from all over the world to compete at The Summer Weed Olympics. The event will be held in Denver, Colorado, the first US state to legalize being cool. To make sure the best smokers are chosen, competitors must test positive for abnormally high levels of THC in their bodies. If their levels are below the qualifying standard, they will not be able to participate in the games. Exceptions will be considered if they are willing to immediately consume a 50mg edible.
Here are a couple of the most notable events for The Summer Weed Olympics:
High Jump: Each competitor must get aggressively high and then jump over a horizontal bar placed at a measured height without dislodging it. The real challenge however, is getting back up.
Blunt Rolling: Competitors must roll a well-crafted blunt in less than five minutes. Judges will score each blunt based on tightness, structure, and ability to make you look awesome at parties.
Bong Ripping: Competitors must each take a rip of a bong as long as they can. Whoever takes the longest rip is considered the winner. All smoke must be completely cleared out of the bong. Failure to inhale all the smoke or any coughing whatsoever will result in immediate disqualification.
Weight-Guessing: A bag of weed will be presented to the competitors and they must estimate how much it weighs without using a scale. The closest number is declared the winner, while the losers walk around with a t-shirt that says “I Bought A Gram For $50!”
Smuggling: Competitors must figure out how to get weed through TSA without being caught. This will be the only event to be held before the actual Weed Olympics. It will be assumed that the competitors who do not show up to the Weed Olympics were caught, which means they lose.
Smoke Tricks Gymnastics: Smokers must do their best smoke tricks and will be scored by judges based on originality, difficulty, and execution. Actual flipping while doing smoke tricks is optional, but not necessary. A cartwheel would be appreciated though.
Marathon Puffing: The world’s greatest smokers will gather in a circle and must smoke blunt after blunt until only one smoker stands. The stoners will be provided pre-rolled blunts because by this point, everyone will be too fucked up to roll a fat one!
Channel Surfing: All stoners will be given their own remote and television set and must find a show that is amusing while under the influence. Streaming apps are also an option, but not mandatory. Judges will also be high and decide if the show chosen by each competitor is cool or killing the vibe.
There are more events in this upcoming year, that is if anyone can remember them. The opening ceremony will begin the same day as the boring Olympics, with Snoop Dogg lighting the Weed Olympic Flame, which he will use to light his blunts until the closing ceremony. Whether you’re a stoner living in your mother’s basement or a run a multi-million-dollar dispensary in a liberal city, the Weed Olympics is an event for all the Devil’s Lettuce lovers!
