A Homeowners Association Letter Regarding Weeds And That Partially Buried Corpse
Greetings,
The Rancho Ventana Homeowners Association strives to make our neighborhood the best it can be for all of our residents. We can achieve suburban nirvana in two simple steps, by 1) working together and 2) annihilating every single weed.
As a partner, we know you will address these instances of non-compliance that we recently discovered at your home during one of the routine and invasive flights of our drone, a state-of-the-art model sponsored by the forced generosity of residents like you.
Sidewalk weeds — third notice
Due to continued non-compliance with sidewalk weeds, you are subject to a $24 fine. Please cure the above issue within 7 days or before the weeds gain another micron of height, whichever comes first, to avoid a $1,895 penalty.
Corpse — first notice
Words fail to convey the utter shock, disgust and outrage we felt upon noticing in your yard a rotting human corpse. The greatest concern is, obviously, for the safety of the neighborhood. How can anybody living in Rancho Ventana feel comfortable when a neighbor (read: you) shows such disregard for their fellow man? Primarily, we are concerned with the corpse’s voluminous oozing. That death moisture, unfortunately…
