A Horse Walks Into a Bar in Boston, and That Bar is Cheers

A horse walks into a bar where everybody knows his name, and they’re always glad he came.

Janine Annett
Jun 19 · 3 min read
Photo by Jtesla16 at wts wikivoyage

A horse walks into a bar in Boston where everybody knows his name. The bartender, a former pro ballplayer, says, “Why the long face?” The horse says, “Things are on the rocks with Diane again, plus the Sox lost.”

A horse walks into a bar in Boston. He sees Diane, an attractive blonde cocktail waitress. She asks if she can get him anything. “You know,” the horse says to her, “I’m hung like a — “ Diane cuts him off right there.

A horse walks into a bar in Boston. Coach, a retired coach-turned-bartender says, “We don’t serve horses here.” He pauses. Then he says, “At the restaurant upstairs, though, they do serve horse. It’s listed as ‘hamburger’ on the menu.”

A horse walks into a bar in Boston. He has a feedbag strapped to his face. Frasier, a psychiatrist who frequents the bar, gently suggests that maybe the horse has an over-eating problem and should go to group therapy.

A horse walks into a bar in Boston. Carla, a wisecracking cocktail waitress with eight children says, “Hey, Mare. What can I get you? A pony keg?” She snickers. The horse, who has six foals of her own and has heard this joke before, is not amused. “Watch out,” the horse says to the superstitious waitress. “I’m skewbald, and we’re considered unlucky.” The waitress tries to remove one of the horse’s shoes in order to bring herself good luck instead.

A horse walks into a bar in Boston. Sam says “Hey” to the horse (which the horse interprets as a joke about hay). The horse rolls his eyes, says, “Hey yourself” (in his Boston accent it sounds like ‘Hey Ya-self’) and proceeds to order a beer.

A horse walks into a bar in Boston. Woody — a young, naive bartender from the Midwest — pours her a beer and offers the horse some peanuts. “No, thanks,” says the horse. “But do you have any grass?” Woody then kicks the horse out of the bar for asking for drugs.

A horse walks into a bar in Boston. He starts flirting with the bar’s business manager, a pretty brunette with a husky voice named Rebecca. “What do you say we go back to my place and horse around?” the horse asks her. Rebecca considers doing it to make Sam jealous. “Is it a pig sty?” she asks the horse. “No, it’s a stall in a barn,” he tells her.

A horse walks into a bar in Boston with his jockey. “We just came from Suffolk Downs,” the jockey says. “And boy are we thirsty.” Woody places a beer in front of the jockey and the horse, but the horse refuses to drink his. “I guess you can lead a horse to a bar…” the jockey says. Woody says, “And then what?”

A horse walks into a bar in Boston. The bar patrons start placing bets with each other on who can out-drink the horse. The horse says, “I’ve heard of off-track betting but this is ridiculous.” He drinks seven beers in a row and falls over. A popular, semi-unemployed accountant and barfly named Norm wins the drinking contest.


Medium humor. Large laughs.

Thanks to Alex Baia

Janine Annett

Written by

I'm Janine. I rock. I write things. Etc. Read more at http://www.janineannett.com and http://www.twitter.com/janineannett



Medium humor. Large laughs.

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