A Letter From The Hotel California Management Regarding Recent Employee Policy Infringements
We encourage all staff to re-read our company handbook if they need a refresher on our policies.
Dear Staff,
Making guests feel welcome at our establishment is very important to us. We were glad to hear that you all have been greeting guests with a hearty “Welcome to the Hotel California,” but while it is acceptable to comment on how nice our amenities are, please refrain from commenting on our guests’ appearance, even if they do have a “lovely face.” It is off-putting and irrelevant to their stay here. If you would like to compliment the guest on something, compliment them on their great choice of hotel booking.
As much as we want to be a fun workplace and one that encourages artistic expression, we have to draw the line at dancing in the courtyard. The courtyard is for guests to sit and enjoy the sunset, or to engage in pleasant conversation. It is not for employees to use as a practice space for their own purposes. And while we’re on the subject, employees are certainly not permitted to invite their own guests into the courtyard. If you would like to fraternize with friends, do so on your own time, off the hotel premises.
Furthermore, we want guests to feel they are getting a five-star dining experience at the Hotel California restaurant. This means that if a guest asks for a glass of wine that we do not have in our wine cellar, the appropriate response is “I’m sorry sir/madam, may I get you a glass of [another similar wine] instead?” not “We haven’t had that spirit here since 1969.” We have a wide selection of alcohols that are refreshed frequently, and our sommelier works very hard to ensure that we have plenty of options.
On the subject of what we should and should not say at the hotel, we’ve given some examples of appropriate and inappropriate phrases to use when speaking to guests,
Appropriate things to say to guests:
- “We grow a lot of our own produce on our roof garden” (shows we are sustainable and environmentally conscious)
- “Our rooms are equipped with high-speed internet and streaming services” (helpful information for guests who want to stay connected on their vacation)
- “Our saltwater pool is very soothing” (promotes rest and relaxation)
Inappropriate things to say to guests:
- “You can never leave” (untrue, guests can check out at any time)
- “Bring your alibis.” (Confusing and somewhat threatening.)
- “We are programmed to receive.” (We are not programmed to do anything here, this kind of language makes us sound like we’re robots.)
- “We are all just prisoners here of our own device.” (You are all paid employees with PTO, health insurance, and 401K plans. If you have issues with your position or compensation, please discuss your feelings with HR. The guest is not an outlet for your angry slam poetry.)
- Waking guests up in the middle of the night just to say “Welcome to the Hotel California” (we love your enthusiasm, but 3 am is not an appropriate time to welcome the guests. They are already at the hotel at that point. Please let them sleep).
We hope that this clears up any confusion about our rules and practices. The Hotel California aims to provide a calm, restful environment for guests. We do not want them to feel trapped, scared, or haunted, and we certainly don’t want them questioning whether our establishment is hell. That shouldn’t even be a thought that crosses their mind, frankly.
We encourage all staff to re-read our company handbook if they need a refresher on our policies. We hope there will be no further incidents and that instead, that our guests can leave with a peaceful easy feeling.
