A Morning Routine Of The Woman Who Rides At The Front Of Your Spin Class
She’s a lean, mean, cocaine-fuelled machine
6 am: I don’t wake up, because I’ve never fallen asleep, because I’VE never needed it. Sleep is the ENEMY of productivity.
6:05 am: I walk to the kitchen to make my usual green elixir, made from equal parts ashwagandha, and diesel.
6:10 am: I check my phone, wondering why no one has replied to any of my messages yet. They’re probably doing something like “having a lie-in.” On the 7th day, God rested, but I make Sunday’s MY BITCH.
6:12 am: I head out to warm up before my spin class, running 5 miles in fifteen minutes. No one knows that I broke Peter Githuka’s measly world record of 22:02 minutes — but self-satisfaction is all I need.
6:27 am: I’m not warm enough. So I do it again.
6:50 am: I arrive at my spin studio, walk to the front of the class and click-clack into position. The instructor wishes me a good morning. I tell him, I’ll be the judge of that.
6:59 am: While waiting for the remaining plebs to pile in with their Stanley cups, I’ve been spinning on a solid 200RPM.
7:00 am: Finally the class starts. We’re taken through a warm-up — which is essentially a cool-down…
