A Quick Update From The House-Sitter You Found On Craigslist

Rest assured that everything is perfect except for the things that aren’t.

Brandon Dockery
Slackjaw

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A woman sobs in a dilapidated old house with broken windows
Image by Enrique Meseguer from Pixabay

Hi, Greg here.

First of all, I wanted to say thanks again for taking a chance on me. Times have been tough for Craigslist house-sitters. MindMyHouse and “trusted friends and relatives” have gobbled up market share. It’s tough to trust a stranger to take care of the pets, let alone leave the electrical wiring unpawned, but you did it. Faith in humanity restored!.

Second, and more to the point, rest assured that everything is perfect except for the things that aren’t.

I’m sure you’ll want to know how the cats are doing. I’m happy to report that all 4 of them are doing okay. Or 3. Whatever the correct number of cats is, that many are fine and dandy.

I’ll bet you didn’t realize that you were also hiring a skilled gardener. No one ever expects to find one between the dog-sitters and discount masseuses. Not to brag, but I’ve had a bit of a green thumb from a chemical burn when I was 9. I noticed your leaf-children were looking a bit anemic, so I took it upon myself to try and put a little pep in their step. By that I mean I dosed the fern with a special concoction of spring water and anabolic steroids.

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Brandon Dockery
Slackjaw

It’s not about the destination, it’s about complaining every step of the way there. Writing published in Slackjaw, Points in Case, The Haven and Robot Butt