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A Support Group For Exes Of Singer-Songwriters
As far as the general public is concerned, whether you like it or not, you’re the asshole.
A group of sad-looking men and women are gathered together in a school classroom at night.
The chalkboard reads:
Support group for exes of singer-songwriters.
The counselor stands at the front of the class.
“What do all of you have in common?” he says. “You chose to date famous singer-songwriters. As you know, that choice comes with certain risks. If the relationship doesn’t pan out, they’re inevitably going to write songs about it. About you. And no matter how it went down, you’re guaranteed to come off looking like a John Mayer-level douche. It doesn’t matter what caused the breakup or who was at fault.
People don’t care if he got into a fistfight with your uncle at Applebee’s, or if she cheated on you with your best friend, Mark. It’s not our problem. As far as the general public is concerned, whether you like it or not, you’re the asshole. Why? Because they’re poets with angel voices. And you’ve got 96 followers on Twitter.”
A man in the front row raises his hand eagerly until he’s called on to speak.
