A Very Chill Guide To Your Upcoming Vasectomy

Photo by Taylor Deas-Melesh on Unsplash

So you’ve decided to put an end to your seed. Congratulations! A vasectomy is the perfect family planning solution to thwart any unwanted procreation.

Luckily, getting snipped is no big deal, so you can remain very calm and VERY chill about it. During the procedure, the doctor will apply a local anesthetic by stabbing you with a syringe on either side of your ballsack. It’s VERY chill. After a moment, your undercarriage will be numb, so you won’t even feel it when he slices your testicles open, snips your vas deferens, cauterizes it, and stitches you back up. Then he’ll do it all over again on the other side. Voila! You’re sterile and it was totally no big deal.

Follow these guidelines to ensure your procedure goes swimmingly:

1. Your junk deserves the best of the best, and for that reason, I insist you take your business to lauded urologist Dr. Don Graves. Dr. Graves only accepts cash, so you’ll need $500 in unmarked bills.
2. On the morning of your appointment, say goodbye to your wife and kids when they drop you off in the family minivan. Go inside and slide your envelope of cash to the receptionist. Sit in the waiting room…