Adolf Hitler’s Curriculum Vitae!
ADOLF HITLER
COLOGNE HOTEL, MIAMI BEACH, FL 33139 M: 07777777777 E: adolfhitlerbouncycastle@gmail.com
KEY SKILLS
· Customer Service & Communications!
· Genocide!
· Oratory!
· Logistics!
· Security/Crowd Management!
· Cash Handling!
· General unquenchable hatred!
· Manual Handling!
· IT skills!
· Leadership!
· Despising Jews, blacks, Russians, Marxists and especially black Jewish Russian Marxists!
EDUCATION
Studied Art! Best artist ever!
BA Honours in International Relations and German History from University of Michigan!
Best IQ score EVER!
PREVIOUS EMPLOYMENT
McDonald’s — Area Manager, 1978-date
Delivering unparalleled leadership! Customer care! No intentional deaths! Seeking to leave because of JEWISH CONSPIRACY!
General Motors — Corporate Officer, 1946–1978
Delivering unparalleled leadership! Making deals! Synergy! Not killing people! General awesomeness! Left due to JUDEO-BOLSHEVIK CONSPIRACY!
Germany — Chancellor/Führer, 1933/34–1945
Led my sort of country for over a decade! Made charismatic speeches (check them out on Youtube. Very good ja!) Dissolved Trade Unions! Arrested political opponents, especially Commies! Killed political opponents! Totally deserved by the way! Built great infrastructure! Best Ever! Killed and incarcerated more opponents! Re-armed country! Signed Anglo-German Naval Agreement! Reoccupied the Rhineland and pissed on The Treaty of Versailles! Unfair treaty! Conquered countries, many countries! Started a whole war! Face on a postage stamp! Occupied France! Had the balls to invade Russia in the winter! NOT STUPID! NOT STUPID! Lost war because of JUDEO-BOLSHEVIK conspiracy, misfortune and the ineptitude of others! Faked Suicide! What have you done that compares?!
German Army — Hero, 1914 to date
Served in the world war I didn’t start! Won Iron Cross on recommendation from a man who was not a Jew! Fake story! Fought at the Somme! Balls of Steel! Still an unofficial member!
PERSONAL INTERESTS
In my spare time, I enjoy painting watercolours, writing propaganda (Mein Kampf and Mein Kampf 2: The Quickening), watching films and watersports!
COVER LETTER!
Dear Sir/Madam!
I was very excited to see the vacant Customer Service Manager position with your company!
As you can see from my CV, I have extensive leadership experience at the highest level! In spite of my astronomical age, I am physically fit and mentally ready for this challenge! Go on! Try to beat me! I jest! But for reasons not known even to myself, my appeal endures! That is why I believe I am the ideal candidate to be a Walmart Manager!
Thank you!
Yours sincerely,
Adolf Hitler!
