Advice for My Son on Becoming a Man
Published in
2 min readOct 11, 2017
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- Always stand when a lady enters a room, and never sit back down.
- “Like” everything you can on Facebook. There may come a time when you can’t.
- Don’t blink. Ever.
- Linus didn’t need that blanket.
- Always take your phone in the bathroom with you. You never know how long you may be.
- It’s more like, “Jack of a lot of trades.” Nobody’s that good.
- The pocket square ain’t for snottin.
- Life is more than a series of connected events and personal relationships, probably.
- Mantles are there for a reason.
- O. J. totally did it.
- Craps is a usually a dice game but not always.
- Listen to the wind, and always — ALWAYS — do what it tells you.
- A china cabinet is for dishes and not what you might assume based on the name.
- The only rugs worth having used to be animals.
- Don’t worry about comma splices, they’re totally fine.
- If you meet a one-armed man with the last name LaVerne, do not tell him who you are.
- When you shake a man’s hand, look him straight in the forehead. He’ll think you’re looking in his eyes, but you’ll know the real story which gives you the upper hand.
- A dog is never a person. It’s a dog even if it’s wearing glasses.
- Always fly first class. According to Home Alone there’s free champagne.
- Never play hide and seek with a blind man. You think it’ll be easy, but they’ve got heightened senses, remember?
- Confidence.
- Don’t name your son Gary. I know there are adults named Gary, but it’s weird to picture a little kid named Gary.
- Romantic comedies are only good for one thing: nothing.
