An Acknowledgment That This Car Is Stolen
Before we flee, let’s all take a minute to recognize and acknowledge the traditional owners of this vehicle we’re occupying.
Good afternoon. Thank you all for joining me (and for agreeing to split the gas charge) on this drive to Long Island. Before we get going, I would just like to take a minute to acknowledge that the car we’re occupying and in which this conversation is occurring was stolen.
Of course I didn’t steal the car, but we must confront the fact that we indirectly benefit from the actions of our ancestors — in this case my father, Preston Sr., who is sitting in the passenger seat.
According to traditional oral histories, this 2012 Volkswagen Passat (as well as the gasoline in the tank, and the stack of magazines on the back seat) is the traditional possession of the Mickelsburg family of suburban New Jersey, also called the Jackson-Mickelsburgs, and it has not been voluntarily ceded nor legally transferred.
On the other hand, there is no reason not to believe that the car may have transferred ownership before this. Perhaps the Mickelsburgs stole it from someone else. There is no way to know. Thus, there is no easy or “fair” solution.
We recognize this. We confront this. And we hope that simply saying so (instead of actually doing something about it) will somehow make things better, and then maybe we won’t be smugly rubbing the car theft in the faces of those we stole it from: the Mickelsburg family, who, if you look out the left window, you’ll see actively calling the police. Good thing dad wore a ski mask!
What was that, thirty seconds? I think we’re good, so now let’s get on the road and crank the tunes —
Oh, right. In addition, I would like to acknowledge that this stereo was stolen from the Leni Lenape Native American tribe last week.
