An Open Letter To Mr. Clean: Stop Appearing In My House And Start Fighting COVID-19
Mr. Clean, if that is your real name, please stop appearing in my kitchen. And my laundry room. And my bathroom. Just stop appearing in my house. It’s creepy. You might have been able to get away with that in the 1950s, but not anymore. People don’t like having an uninvited man appear in their homes.
Every time I clean a surface in my house — whether it’s the kitchen counter, the entryway floor, or the bathroom sink — there you are in the wake of my final wipe. You always show up with a huge smile on your face when the job’s done! At least Candyman only appeared after saying his name five times in front of a mirror.
What are you, anyway? Are you a genie? Or a pirate? That one large hoop earring could go either way. And what’s up with the white pants and shirt, did you work as an orderly at an asylum?
Perhaps you’ve heard of this little thing called COVID-19? It’s a virus that’s been killing people and holding most of the planet hostage, and its germs are everywhere. You’ve got deep cleaning power, so put those muscles to use for once and start scrubbing.
It’s literally your time to shine. The world needs your help, Mr. Clean. You’re going to have to earn your name or be stripped of it. For too long you’ve been a passive…
