SATIRE
An Open-Minded Liberal’s Guide To Conversing With Dumbass, Objectively Wrong Conservatives
We live in a world divided.
On one side, there are the liberals. We stand united by our incontestably correct worldview, formed by years of drinking oat milk lattes in dappled quads, attending at least half of one climate march, and diligently sometimes skimming the New Yorker.
On the other side, there are the conservatives, who stand united by their desire to militarize babies, reinstate the death penalty everywhere and use it on climate science and vegans, and extend the Keystone XL pipeline into space.
The only way we can bridge this divide is through open-minded debate. Having experienced and won many such debates myself, I have put together the following step-by-step guide to engaging in productive conversations with conservatives.
Step 1: Set your intention!
As we all know, conservative beliefs are tragically prejudiced. While you were raised in a progressive family who enrolled you in an open-minded public high school, they were raised in a conservative family who enrolled them in a Catholic school. And while you were educated at a liberal arts college where you made progressive friends, they were educated at some hick-town…
